nerd!

Ok, I know I'll probably look extremely nerdy posting this, but I don't care.

20th century boys is one of the best mangas I have ever read...ever.

seriously check it out, it reminds me most of George Orwells 1984.

20th Century Boys

its over 100 chapters of awesome! The story is rich...spanning multiple years. the characters actually have personalities (and not just typical shonen personalities). The art work really suits this manga, its realistic, and all in all well drawn.

A brief summary of the plot: (stolen from Baka-updates Manga)

To be the greatest superhero you have to understand one thing and thats how to be the greatest supervillian. Kenji runs a former liquor store that is now refurbished into a convience store. Running on hard luck, Kenji has had to fumble with his duties to his convience store and his niece, left in his care by his runaway sister. All these pressures pale in comparison to the coming of a conspiracy that only he and his childhood friends will have to face. Will he be able to figure out the mystery? Can he stop what is to happen in time? Can they really prevent what is foreseen to happen? It really seems impossible.

sounds pretty dumb, and typical right? Thats what I thought too, until I began to read it. Granted, it did start off slow, but as it began to pick up the pace, it got good. Real good. Seriously, read it. It's amazing.

Urasawa Naoki's other work Monster is really fantastic too.

I can understand why almost every review I've read (from critics and casual readers alike) call both 20th Century Boys and Monster classic, and iconic. (and also arguably one of the best mangas of all time).

After 20th century boys, there is a sequel called 21st century boys. which basically wraps up everything for the series. Check it out (even if you don't like reading mangas), if you enjoy a good story, good character development. I think you won't be disappointed.

Hansen

on the brink...

It feels like these next few days before school starts will be quite possibly some of my most pivotal few days for the rest of my life. What I mean is that ever since I've come back from PEI, it strongly feels like my old life, my flesh has been tugging at me harder than ever. It feels like the idols I used to run for times of comfort, satisfaction and even boredom have been calling for me. And there have been times already that I've given into the lusts of the flesh and each time I feel my heart harden just a little. Each time I convince myself that dipping my toe in it will do nothing. Each time I come away unsatisfied, unfulfilled, uncomfortable...and even more bored.
What is it about sin that makes it seem so desirable? It is so easy, so simple just to give into my sin nature. And the harder I try to white-knuckle resist that temptation...the harder I fall face first into it.
What makes Godliness so hard? Why does it seem that the very nature that was imparted to me by the person and work of Jesus, is given up on so easily? I think for me the notion of Godliness kind of terrifies me. Because I don't want Jesus to see who I really am (although He knows who I really am), I don't necessarily want the Great Physician to operate on me. Press me where it hurts. Although, it boggles my mind why I (and we) don't want spiritual, emotional, mental healing, especially when we are quick to get physical healing.
The only comforts I have a within His Word, which are His promises. That He loves me as I am now, and not some future version of me. That He presses me on painful, hard things because He loves me. That He died for me because He loves me. That He saved me from my sinful self and saved me to the good works He prepared in advance for me to do. That He will continue to do these things because He is the Author of my faith, which allowed me to believe in His Grace, and He will finish it.

I'm so thankful that He loves me as I am and will bring me to be who He calls me to be. Because if it wasn't the case....I would be a mess.

God help me, God help us.

Hansen
PS: this is not the Godliness vs. cultural Christianity post. clearly. that will come sometime.

The (hopefully) very next post....

In a conversation with a friend of mine, I began to think deeply on an issue. not that I haven't been wrestling with it already, its just that the conversation caused me to wrestle with it more. So, I hope that the post which I have so carefully entitled "Godliness vs Cultural Christianity" will actually be my next post....instead of a post in the near future.

Look forward to it, because I know that as I'm wrestling with it I will be horribly horribly convicted...and I hope that the Holy Spirit uses it to sanctify me (if only even a little bit).

Hansen

Stuck in context

I just finished the book of Acts today. I'll tell you what, there was some pretty amazing stuff there. But I think what really caught my attention was Paul and what he did. What I noticed over and over again is that he walks in the power of the Holy Spirit in a way we....that I will probably never experience. Here are some examples: He raises Eutycus from the dead (which by the way, I find that story kind of humourous), some guy takes Paul's apron and throws it on a sick friend and he is healed. Casts out demons. Not only that but his faith, his trust, his devotion....his single-minded pursuit of Jesus could survive being beaten, stoned, jailed, shipwrecked, being bitten by a snake...and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure my faith (I say it like I generated it... :P) would be able to hold steady. And I'm not sure I want to test that out, because even at the slightest, smallest trouble...at the smallest dark night of the soul I wonder where God is in all of it....

I wonder if Paul ever thought that too, because it seems in all of his letters to the church, and what we read in Acts its like he's this, to put it loosely, "superman" of sorts. Its like nothing ever fazes this guy. I'm not sure if I even want that kind of faith, that kind of devotion...I know that is what we are called to. But I know, with my wicked heart, I will never be there. My only hope, and what a hope it is, is that Jesus will bring me there (eventually). And if we were honest with each other and ourselves, I think most of us are in the position that I'm in. Wanting to have a faith like Paul, but not wanting it all at the same time. What I mean is that we read books, or articles about missionaries or what not, we get excited. Encouraged even. But when its our turn to go or to give we become a little hesitant.

Why is that? Why is it that when God presses us on an issue we tend to run the other way? Don't hear me only saying you, and definately don't think about another person....because we ALL do this. We ALL tend to hide behind something when God presses us on something we do not want to get pressed on.

I can't expand on this point just yet, because I haven't really wrestled through this myself. However, I hope to expand on this on a later date.....maybe even with *gasp* Bible references and/or cultural references. haha

One other thing I noticed (which really convinced me about contextualization) was the way Paul spoke to different tribes of people. What I mean is that to the Jews, he used the Torah and the Prophets. And to the Athenians he quoted the poets. If being in the world and not of it, means not participating in anything that world is participating in. Might I also mention in a God-blaspheming way. Then by that definition Paul is sinning, if only for the reason that he is reading the Greek and Cretian poets and prophets. (quotes a Cretian prophet in Titus). Of course that doesn't mean we should do whatever the crap we want. Paul covers that as well, in Romans and in 1 Corinthians. But I think, maybe instead of sheltering ourselves away from the world and inviting people in...instead of pulling away...maybe we should figure out how the culture, how the world around us thinks. what it believes. what it listens to. what it reads. Maybe we should look for truth in it all, because all truth is our truth. If only for the reason that all truth is God's truth and we are of Christ and Christ is of God.
Is this dangerous? oh you can bet your shorts on it. It definately is dangerous. Can you fall? well, there is a chance. Can you grow and your faith, passion and love for Jesus be strengthened? YES! YES! YES! And here's why...nothing(that I know of...at least until I get married) challenges you more, reveals more of your sin, your shortcomings, reveals more of your issues more than being out of the Christian safety zone. I also believe, that nothing else will grow you more holistically, than evangelizing to a pagan outside of the safety of the church (also it's programs and whatnot), dialoguing with a non-Christian in their setting, home (yours or theirs).

I know it seems like I am rambling (and I probably am...I'm kind of tired). And maybe I haven't really thought about it enough to put it down in a concise, senseable way. Hopefully as I continue to think about this, and wrestle with this I can offer suggestions or something. until then, you are stuck with a grammatical butchery of ramblings by some Asian guy living in PTBO finishing his last year of university.

But hopefully, by God's Grace and Mercy (seriously!) this made sense...and even if you don't agree with me, by God's Grace and Mercy, I hope you will think and wrestle with it. As I have and am still wrestling with.

Hansen

As summer breathes its last....

Before I get started on this entry I just want to note a few observations I found interesting:
- *warning: this may be a little bit of TMI* Guys tend to use every other urinal in public bathrooms (even if there is a little stall wall thing between them), and guys won't use the empty ones if that means nearly knocking shoulders with another guy. They will instead use a stall and NEVER lift up the seat. We are so lame.

- ladies don't look good bald....especially if they looked butch to begin with. I'm so shallow.

- it looks like it is a summer of sports cars. While on the road these past two days I saw 1 Corvette, 3 Ferrari's (all at once), 3 Porsches and 1 Triumph (old school British roadster). All driven by either guys hitting their late 30's to early 40's or 20 somethings trying to impress their girlfriends by going into massive debt to either lease or rent a highly expensive car. Smart move you 20 somethings, you really make my generation look highly intelligent.

This summer has been an interesting one, to say the least. Prior to this summer, as the school year was winding down I was seriously stuck in a rut of sorts. And by rut I mean a seriously dark pit. It was, as Matt Chandler would call it, a dark night of the soul. I hadn't felt that hardened, distressed or apathetic since Gr.10 or Gr.12 when I had those two full year wrestling matches with Jesus. However this one felt far different then those two, if only because even though Jesus was there, I did not notice Him (nor do I even think I wanted to notice Him), I did not speak to Him ( again I don't think I wanted to speak to Him). Instead I, and I quote this from writings of Clive Staples Lewis (his friends called him Jack...figure that out), was "like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” I was like the Israelites going back to gods that could not fulfill their promises of satisfying me. I knew it too, I realized it, Jesus confronted me on it many times, but because I am still a wicked sinner in constant need of His Grace and Mercy, I ran away until I couldn't hear the Holy Spirit's conviction.

Looking back on it now, I believe Jesus let me go out into the desert, He let me do all this to show me my desperate need for Him. I knew how dry I was, and for much of the summer I played the game. What I mean is, I acted spiritual, I acted "godly", I played the religious game of trading an intimate, deep, joyful actual relationship with Jesus for fake intimacy, depth, and joy. However, even when He let me wander into the desert His Sovereign Hand still moved me into a place that He would use to restore me into a relationship with Him. Not for me, not because I deserve it, but for His sake. For His worship. And I am thankful.

Unbeknownst to me, Jesus was slowly restoring me. I spent 3 weeks in Hong Kong, where i could connect/re-connect with family. In this, Jesus began giving me a love for the city (despite the fact, I don't enjoy the busyness). I realized, in this visit to Hong Kong, how much I love the cities of Canada especially the ones where there is a large meeting of many cultures. After I came back from Hong Kong, Jesus moved me to PEI.

To be honest, PEI was not my first choice...in fact, I don't even think it was all that high up on my radar. But this is why I believe in an Absolutely Sovereign God so much. Because He knew (predestined, planned) to use PEI and the people I met to bring me back to Him....because I'm that idiotic sheep that wandered off on its own.

Coming to PEI was a culture shock for me. I'll be honest, I haven't been in such a conservative church, or town in a looooong time. Again a little bit of background about me, I am very closed-handed in theology, so there are things I just do not bend on but in terms of some other things I am a bit more liberal on(if you want to know what, then feel free to ask). It took me awhile to get used to it. I believe Jesus used this culture shock in a few different ways. The first I believe, was that Jesus used it to dry up (at least a little) my deep well of youthful arrogance. As I had to constantly remind myself that I am not here to change things, instead observe and pray for them. The second was just bring me back into a genuine deep, vibrant relationship with Him (though to be honest, I really do desire so much more...after that taste). The final thing I believe He did (at least the final most apparent thing), was really re-affirm His calling on me to be a church-planter (in a big/bigger city). I've been asked many times how I know this calling. And to be honest, I'm not sure if, even now, I can explain it clearly. But one thing I do realize is that I know I have to do it, even though a part of me dreads it. And I believe that Jesus is preparing me for it, because the more I talk about it, the more excited I get for it...not because it's going to be some sexy, glamourous job, but rather moreso because I believe He is putting in me a passion for it coupled with the fact that I just want people to see the beauty of Jesus (or in Christian terms: get saved) I don't really have any doubt that this is what He is calling me to do in one capacity or another.

Finally, I would like give a big Thank you to all you people that made this summer in PEI pretty amazing. I would list you all by name but then I don't want to forget anyone and make them think that they didn't have an impact on me. All of you did, and for that I am thankful. I believe Mars ill put it best in their song "Lumpsum" when they said:
"And that’s all to say that all that I am is a collection of souls/
That God has used to touch me. Changed a reflection/
Made a man from a simple stick-figure/
And if I’ve ever met you, then you helped Him paint the picture…"

So thank you all for your encouragement, for who you are, for your laughter, joy, and even rebuke. I really hope to see you all again soon-ish. Emphasis on the ish, but truly sooner rather then later...or something. May Jesus continue to show you the wonderful riches of His Grace. May He keep you, mould you, sanctify you for His purposes. His Glory. And His namesake.

Hansen

Why I am (still) a Christian pt.2

When I made my first post about my testimony (found here) I thought that was the “be all end all” personal testimony post. That I would not need to add anymore of it. How very wrong I was. As I was thinking more about God’s saving work in me, I realized that I did not give God enough credit (as in ALL of it) for it. If I remember correctly, I put down that I became a Christian after reading the book of Job. However, if I think about it, Who the heck becomes a Christian after reading the book of Job? Outside an Almighty Sovereign God, I believe strongly that I would not have accepted Christ by reading Job, especially after reading that God allowed Satan to basically do whatever to Job (outside of killing him).
If you recall, my very last post (until this one) was one about how I felt like I haven’t moved anywhere. That I felt like I was stagnating, and wasn’t growing (rather Jesus wasn’t growing me). So, recently if I do not run away like Jonah (by the way for a time running away does work) the Spirit will make me feel the weight and angst of my sin (translation: He’ll completely blow me up). He will also make me feel the weight of His calling on me (which I still believe is to be a pastor, but that calling still fills me with great fear. I may give reasons for in a later post…if I didn’t already). Basically this whole summer, the Spirit has been making me feel the weight of His holiness, His goodness, His justice, but most importantly He has been making me feel the weight of His Grace and Mercy. And what a wonderful, heart-breaking, chest-pounding (in a broken tax-collector kind of way) thing it is. It is horribly convicting, because I feel like my heart is on the verge of breaking some days.

Psalm 42 says
“As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God,
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
Day and night,
While they say to me all the day long,
Where is your God?
These things I remember,
As I pour out my soul:
How I would go with the throng
And lead them in procession to the house of God
With glad shouts and songs of praise,
A multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul
And why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
My salvation and my God
My soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I remember you
From the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
From Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
At the roar of your waterfalls;
All your breakers and your waves
Have gone over me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
And at night his song is with me,
A prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
Because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
My adversaries taunt me,
While they say o me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
And why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
My salvation and my God.”

I love David. He gives me hope for me, because in all honesty, sometimes I feel like David does. He feels the weight of his sin, sometimes he feels like God has abandoned him. And even though his heart feels down cast, he will continue praising Jesus.
And so, even if my heart is downcast, even when I feel like I am stagnating. My one and only Hope and greatest security blanket (figuratively speaking) is to know that God is good. I may not know why I feel the way I do, I may not know where He is bringing me, but I know one thing, and that is God is Good, and in His infinite Goodness, He will bring me out of this with a greater Joy, and a deeper spirit of worship of Him.

God help me, because I can’t make it on my own.

Hansen

hm

If you were to ask me how much I've changed these past few months, I would probably give you the answer: " I have no idea." And this is true. In all honesty, I feel like I'm in a place where nothing has changed about me. that I'm not really moving forward, or back ward. I'm just kind of...there. the same sins still haunt me, the same insecurities, doubt. I feel like I haven't changed one bit, while everyone else is moving ahead with their lives, with their relationships...doing the whole graduating thing, the "getting married" deal. In someways I guess I feel like I'm being left behind, like a stagnating pond, breeding mosquitoes.

If Jesus is changing me, if he is growing me. Me trying to look for the ways is very much like trying to watch the grass grow. It'll be near impossible (that and I probably don't have that much patience to do THAT much introspection).