Saved From Religion

Moved

2009-12-27T18:31:00.001-05:00

I have now officially moved to: Broken, In Repair

See you there!

Hansen

The end is here (For now)

2009-12-16T12:17:00.002-05:00

I've lost interest in blogging really (either that or I'm just too lazy to blog). In any case, for the foreseeable future I don't see myself updating this anytime soon. So I guess its safe to say that this maybe the end.
Its been a long run. Really long with this beast of a blog. and going through the past entries, I realize that many of the posts were pretty angsty/angry/fearful. Just to let you know, that still hasn't changed much. I'm still like that, for the most part. the things I've talked about wrestling with, not many of them have been resolved.

I may not be where I want to be, but I'm getting better. Thank Jesus, that I'm getting better. And really I think that's really what I'm hoping for. Hoping beyond hope, to change. not just for Jesus but for myself too.

Mostly i need to be saved from myself. Desperately.

Anyway, I may or may not get a new blog. but, if I do return to the blogging world, I don't think this one will be it.

And so, the curtain falls. The main players take the stage, and take a bow. To greet and thank the few that have read, and stayed on through these years. And then this play disappears into the fading spotlight.

Later

Hansen

nerd!

2009-10-24T09:57:00.002-04:00

Ok, I know I'll probably look extremely nerdy posting this, but I don't care.

20th century boys is one of the best mangas I have ever read...ever.

seriously check it out, it reminds me most of George Orwells 1984.

20th Century Boys

its over 100 chapters of awesome! The story is rich...spanning multiple years. the characters actually have personalities (and not just typical shonen personalities). The art work really suits this manga, its realistic, and all in all well drawn.

A brief summary of the plot: (stolen from Baka-updates Manga)

To be the greatest superhero you have to understand one thing and thats how to be the greatest supervillian. Kenji runs a former liquor store that is now refurbished into a convience store. Running on hard luck, Kenji has had to fumble with his duties to his convience store and his niece, left in his care by his runaway sister. All these pressures pale in comparison to the coming of a conspiracy that only he and his childhood friends will have to face. Will he be able to figure out the mystery? Can he stop what is to happen in time? Can they really prevent what is foreseen to happen? It really seems impossible.

sounds pretty dumb, and typical right? Thats what I thought too, until I began to read it. Granted, it did start off slow, but as it began to pick up the pace, it got good. Real good. Seriously, read it. It's amazing.

Urasawa Naoki's other work Monster is really fantastic too.

I can understand why almost every review I've read (from critics and casual readers alike) call both 20th Century Boys and Monster classic, and iconic. (and also arguably one of the best mangas of all time).

After 20th century boys, there is a sequel called 21st century boys. which basically wraps up everything for the series. Check it out (even if you don't like reading mangas), if you enjoy a good story, good character development. I think you won't be disappointed.

Hansen

on the brink...

2009-08-28T20:02:00.003-04:00

It feels like these next few days before school starts will be quite possibly some of my most pivotal few days for the rest of my life. What I mean is that ever since I've come back from PEI, it strongly feels like my old life, my flesh has been tugging at me harder than ever. It feels like the idols I used to run for times of comfort, satisfaction and even boredom have been calling for me. And there have been times already that I've given into the lusts of the flesh and each time I feel my heart harden just a little. Each time I convince myself that dipping my toe in it will do nothing. Each time I come away unsatisfied, unfulfilled, uncomfortable...and even more bored.
What is it about sin that makes it seem so desirable? It is so easy, so simple just to give into my sin nature. And the harder I try to white-knuckle resist that temptation...the harder I fall face first into it.
What makes Godliness so hard? Why does it seem that the very nature that was imparted to me by the person and work of Jesus, is given up on so easily? I think for me the notion of Godliness kind of terrifies me. Because I don't want Jesus to see who I really am (although He knows who I really am), I don't necessarily want the Great Physician to operate on me. Press me where it hurts. Although, it boggles my mind why I (and we) don't want spiritual, emotional, mental healing, especially when we are quick to get physical healing.
The only comforts I have a within His Word, which are His promises. That He loves me as I am now, and not some future version of me. That He presses me on painful, hard things because He loves me. That He died for me because He loves me. That He saved me from my sinful self and saved me to the good works He prepared in advance for me to do. That He will continue to do these things because He is the Author of my faith, which allowed me to believe in His Grace, and He will finish it.

I'm so thankful that He loves me as I am and will bring me to be who He calls me to be. Because if it wasn't the case....I would be a mess.

God help me, God help us.

Hansen
PS: this is not the Godliness vs. cultural Christianity post. clearly. that will come sometime.

The (hopefully) very next post....

2009-08-22T08:49:00.002-04:00

In a conversation with a friend of mine, I began to think deeply on an issue. not that I haven't been wrestling with it already, its just that the conversation caused me to wrestle with it more. So, I hope that the post which I have so carefully entitled "Godliness vs Cultural Christianity" will actually be my next post....instead of a post in the near future.

Look forward to it, because I know that as I'm wrestling with it I will be horribly horribly convicted...and I hope that the Holy Spirit uses it to sanctify me (if only even a little bit).

Hansen

Stuck in context

2009-08-21T12:41:00.009-04:00

I just finished the book of Acts today. I'll tell you what, there was some pretty amazing stuff there. But I think what really caught my attention was Paul and what he did. What I noticed over and over again is that he walks in the power of the Holy Spirit in a way we....that I will probably never experience. Here are some examples: He raises Eutycus from the dead (which by the way, I find that story kind of humourous), some guy takes Paul's apron and throws it on a sick friend and he is healed. Casts out demons. Not only that but his faith, his trust, his devotion....his single-minded pursuit of Jesus could survive being beaten, stoned, jailed, shipwrecked, being bitten by a snake...and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure my faith (I say it like I generated it... :P) would be able to hold steady. And I'm not sure I want to test that out, because even at the slightest, smallest trouble...at the smallest dark night of the soul I wonder where God is in all of it....

I wonder if Paul ever thought that too, because it seems in all of his letters to the church, and what we read in Acts its like he's this, to put it loosely, "superman" of sorts. Its like nothing ever fazes this guy. I'm not sure if I even want that kind of faith, that kind of devotion...I know that is what we are called to. But I know, with my wicked heart, I will never be there. My only hope, and what a hope it is, is that Jesus will bring me there (eventually). And if we were honest with each other and ourselves, I think most of us are in the position that I'm in. Wanting to have a faith like Paul, but not wanting it all at the same time. What I mean is that we read books, or articles about missionaries or what not, we get excited. Encouraged even. But when its our turn to go or to give we become a little hesitant.

Why is that? Why is it that when God presses us on an issue we tend to run the other way? Don't hear me only saying you, and definately don't think about another person....because we ALL do this. We ALL tend to hide behind something when God presses us on something we do not want to get pressed on.

I can't expand on this point just yet, because I haven't really wrestled through this myself. However, I hope to expand on this on a later date.....maybe even with *gasp* Bible references and/or cultural references. haha

One other thing I noticed (which really convinced me about contextualization) was the way Paul spoke to different tribes of people. What I mean is that to the Jews, he used the Torah and the Prophets. And to the Athenians he quoted the poets. If being in the world and not of it, means not participating in anything that world is participating in. Might I also mention in a God-blaspheming way. Then by that definition Paul is sinning, if only for the reason that he is reading the Greek and Cretian poets and prophets. (quotes a Cretian prophet in Titus). Of course that doesn't mean we should do whatever the crap we want. Paul covers that as well, in Romans and in 1 Corinthians. But I think, maybe instead of sheltering ourselves away from the world and inviting people in...instead of pulling away...maybe we should figure out how the culture, how the world around us thinks. what it believes. what it listens to. what it reads. Maybe we should look for truth in it all, because all truth is our truth. If only for the reason that all truth is God's truth and we are of Christ and Christ is of God.
Is this dangerous? oh you can bet your shorts on it. It definately is dangerous. Can you fall? well, there is a chance. Can you grow and your faith, passion and love for Jesus be strengthened? YES! YES! YES! And here's why...nothing(that I know of...at least until I get married) challenges you more, reveals more of your sin, your shortcomings, reveals more of your issues more than being out of the Christian safety zone. I also believe, that nothing else will grow you more holistically, than evangelizing to a pagan outside of the safety of the church (also it's programs and whatnot), dialoguing with a non-Christian in their setting, home (yours or theirs).

I know it seems like I am rambling (and I probably am...I'm kind of tired). And maybe I haven't really thought about it enough to put it down in a concise, senseable way. Hopefully as I continue to think about this, and wrestle with this I can offer suggestions or something. until then, you are stuck with a grammatical butchery of ramblings by some Asian guy living in PTBO finishing his last year of university.

But hopefully, by God's Grace and Mercy (seriously!) this made sense...and even if you don't agree with me, by God's Grace and Mercy, I hope you will think and wrestle with it. As I have and am still wrestling with.

Hansen

As summer breathes its last....

2009-08-16T21:49:00.002-04:00

Before I get started on this entry I just want to note a few observations I found interesting:
- *warning: this may be a little bit of TMI* Guys tend to use every other urinal in public bathrooms (even if there is a little stall wall thing between them), and guys won't use the empty ones if that means nearly knocking shoulders with another guy. They will instead use a stall and NEVER lift up the seat. We are so lame.

- ladies don't look good bald....especially if they looked butch to begin with. I'm so shallow.

- it looks like it is a summer of sports cars. While on the road these past two days I saw 1 Corvette, 3 Ferrari's (all at once), 3 Porsches and 1 Triumph (old school British roadster). All driven by either guys hitting their late 30's to early 40's or 20 somethings trying to impress their girlfriends by going into massive debt to either lease or rent a highly expensive car. Smart move you 20 somethings, you really make my generation look highly intelligent.

This summer has been an interesting one, to say the least. Prior to this summer, as the school year was winding down I was seriously stuck in a rut of sorts. And by rut I mean a seriously dark pit. It was, as Matt Chandler would call it, a dark night of the soul. I hadn't felt that hardened, distressed or apathetic since Gr.10 or Gr.12 when I had those two full year wrestling matches with Jesus. However this one felt far different then those two, if only because even though Jesus was there, I did not notice Him (nor do I even think I wanted to notice Him), I did not speak to Him ( again I don't think I wanted to speak to Him). Instead I, and I quote this from writings of Clive Staples Lewis (his friends called him Jack...figure that out), was "like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” I was like the Israelites going back to gods that could not fulfill their promises of satisfying me. I knew it too, I realized it, Jesus confronted me on it many times, but because I am still a wicked sinner in constant need of His Grace and Mercy, I ran away until I couldn't hear the Holy Spirit's conviction.

Looking back on it now, I believe Jesus let me go out into the desert, He let me do all this to show me my desperate need for Him. I knew how dry I was, and for much of the summer I played the game. What I mean is, I acted spiritual, I acted "godly", I played the religious game of trading an intimate, deep, joyful actual relationship with Jesus for fake intimacy, depth, and joy. However, even when He let me wander into the desert His Sovereign Hand still moved me into a place that He would use to restore me into a relationship with Him. Not for me, not because I deserve it, but for His sake. For His worship. And I am thankful.

Unbeknownst to me, Jesus was slowly restoring me. I spent 3 weeks in Hong Kong, where i could connect/re-connect with family. In this, Jesus began giving me a love for the city (despite the fact, I don't enjoy the busyness). I realized, in this visit to Hong Kong, how much I love the cities of Canada especially the ones where there is a large meeting of many cultures. After I came back from Hong Kong, Jesus moved me to PEI.

To be honest, PEI was not my first choice...in fact, I don't even think it was all that high up on my radar. But this is why I believe in an Absolutely Sovereign God so much. Because He knew (predestined, planned) to use PEI and the people I met to bring me back to Him....because I'm that idiotic sheep that wandered off on its own.

Coming to PEI was a culture shock for me. I'll be honest, I haven't been in such a conservative church, or town in a looooong time. Again a little bit of background about me, I am very closed-handed in theology, so there are things I just do not bend on but in terms of some other things I am a bit more liberal on(if you want to know what, then feel free to ask). It took me awhile to get used to it. I believe Jesus used this culture shock in a few different ways. The first I believe, was that Jesus used it to dry up (at least a little) my deep well of youthful arrogance. As I had to constantly remind myself that I am not here to change things, instead observe and pray for them. The second was just bring me back into a genuine deep, vibrant relationship with Him (though to be honest, I really do desire so much more...after that taste). The final thing I believe He did (at least the final most apparent thing), was really re-affirm His calling on me to be a church-planter (in a big/bigger city). I've been asked many times how I know this calling. And to be honest, I'm not sure if, even now, I can explain it clearly. But one thing I do realize is that I know I have to do it, even though a part of me dreads it. And I believe that Jesus is preparing me for it, because the more I talk about it, the more excited I get for it...not because it's going to be some sexy, glamourous job, but rather moreso because I believe He is putting in me a passion for it coupled with the fact that I just want people to see the beauty of Jesus (or in Christian terms: get saved) I don't really have any doubt that this is what He is calling me to do in one capacity or another.

Finally, I would like give a big Thank you to all you people that made this summer in PEI pretty amazing. I would list you all by name but then I don't want to forget anyone and make them think that they didn't have an impact on me. All of you did, and for that I am thankful. I believe Mars ill put it best in their song "Lumpsum" when they said:
"And that’s all to say that all that I am is a collection of souls/
That God has used to touch me. Changed a reflection/
Made a man from a simple stick-figure/
And if I’ve ever met you, then you helped Him paint the picture…"

So thank you all for your encouragement, for who you are, for your laughter, joy, and even rebuke. I really hope to see you all again soon-ish. Emphasis on the ish, but truly sooner rather then later...or something. May Jesus continue to show you the wonderful riches of His Grace. May He keep you, mould you, sanctify you for His purposes. His Glory. And His namesake.

Hansen

Why I am (still) a Christian pt.2

2009-07-27T16:09:00.002-04:00

When I made my first post about my testimony (found here) I thought that was the “be all end all” personal testimony post. That I would not need to add anymore of it. How very wrong I was. As I was thinking more about God’s saving work in me, I realized that I did not give God enough credit (as in ALL of it) for it. If I remember correctly, I put down that I became a Christian after reading the book of Job. However, if I think about it, Who the heck becomes a Christian after reading the book of Job? Outside an Almighty Sovereign God, I believe strongly that I would not have accepted Christ by reading Job, especially after reading that God allowed Satan to basically do whatever to Job (outside of killing him).
If you recall, my very last post (until this one) was one about how I felt like I haven’t moved anywhere. That I felt like I was stagnating, and wasn’t growing (rather Jesus wasn’t growing me). So, recently if I do not run away like Jonah (by the way for a time running away does work) the Spirit will make me feel the weight and angst of my sin (translation: He’ll completely blow me up). He will also make me feel the weight of His calling on me (which I still believe is to be a pastor, but that calling still fills me with great fear. I may give reasons for in a later post…if I didn’t already). Basically this whole summer, the Spirit has been making me feel the weight of His holiness, His goodness, His justice, but most importantly He has been making me feel the weight of His Grace and Mercy. And what a wonderful, heart-breaking, chest-pounding (in a broken tax-collector kind of way) thing it is. It is horribly convicting, because I feel like my heart is on the verge of breaking some days.

Psalm 42 says
“As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God,
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
Day and night,
While they say to me all the day long,
Where is your God?
These things I remember,
As I pour out my soul:
How I would go with the throng
And lead them in procession to the house of God
With glad shouts and songs of praise,
A multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul
And why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
My salvation and my God
My soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I remember you
From the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
From Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
At the roar of your waterfalls;
All your breakers and your waves
Have gone over me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
And at night his song is with me,
A prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
Because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
My adversaries taunt me,
While they say o me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
And why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
My salvation and my God.”

I love David. He gives me hope for me, because in all honesty, sometimes I feel like David does. He feels the weight of his sin, sometimes he feels like God has abandoned him. And even though his heart feels down cast, he will continue praising Jesus.
And so, even if my heart is downcast, even when I feel like I am stagnating. My one and only Hope and greatest security blanket (figuratively speaking) is to know that God is good. I may not know why I feel the way I do, I may not know where He is bringing me, but I know one thing, and that is God is Good, and in His infinite Goodness, He will bring me out of this with a greater Joy, and a deeper spirit of worship of Him.

God help me, because I can’t make it on my own.

Hansen

hm

2009-05-19T16:34:00.002-04:00

If you were to ask me how much I've changed these past few months, I would probably give you the answer: " I have no idea." And this is true. In all honesty, I feel like I'm in a place where nothing has changed about me. that I'm not really moving forward, or back ward. I'm just kind of...there. the same sins still haunt me, the same insecurities, doubt. I feel like I haven't changed one bit, while everyone else is moving ahead with their lives, with their relationships...doing the whole graduating thing, the "getting married" deal. In someways I guess I feel like I'm being left behind, like a stagnating pond, breeding mosquitoes.

If Jesus is changing me, if he is growing me. Me trying to look for the ways is very much like trying to watch the grass grow. It'll be near impossible (that and I probably don't have that much patience to do THAT much introspection).

kyahooo!

2009-04-04T00:43:00.002-04:00

Due to my incessant geekiness, I have really gotten into an anime called Gintama. I've posted some videos on fb as well as one recently on this blog. Anyway, if you have the time (or want to procrastinate, or want to laugh) check them out here

Yes I do realize that not all the episodes are here, but the ones that are...are hilarious. For the most part you could click on any of the episodes at random and not really miss anything, but I suggest you start at Episode one and work your way up from there.

Really????

2009-04-02T21:06:00.003-04:00

I really don't what to post really. but it's been a good 3 or 4 weeks since I last posted, so here's something I find hilarious:

remember to forget

2009-03-02T22:26:00.002-05:00

I forget sometimes that the process of changing can be long, tedious, frustrating and can go unnoticed. I lack faith and trust in Jesus, that he is changing me because sometimes it feels like the part he has been working on in me, has been the part he has been working on in me for ages. And so, in an action that implies that I am giving up on allowing His Grace to work and change me, I stop pressing into Jesus, I stop remembering the Cross, I stop praising the resurrection...I stop everything and throw myself into my school work, and simple pleasures (like reading manga, or the Watchmen...yes I am an epic geek) never once praising Jesus creating such wonderful creations. Never once remembering that the pleasure I find in my epic geekiness, I find in greater amount spending time with Him, in His word, in His music, in the people He has called to preach His words...in His people, from all walks of life, and talents.

I forget that sometimes my effort and God's Grace work together, whereas other times change is just simply divine and just His Grace. I forget but He constantly and consistently still reminds me of His goodness of His pleasure...of Him and His Grace.

I forget, but it seems that sooner or later I remember that He remembers...rather He never forgets.

Hansen

PS: real post 500!

That WAS EPIC!

2009-02-01T01:16:00.001-05:00

UFC 94....lived up to the hype! GSP dominated Penn far more than I expected. And so just for fun...here's some GSP highlights!

Again it was EPIC!

Hansen

my people

2009-01-24T14:46:00.004-05:00

There are certain types of non-Christian people that I just love, love to talk with, love to chill with, love to laugh at (and/or with). I find myself inexplicably drawn to them. They are the cynical and jaded. They maybe feel that way about school, the world, religion or the Gospel, or maybe all of it. In any case, I find myself just totally attracted to them (not in a dating relationship kind of way mind you). These are generally the people that have had a bad experience with religion, and they think they know god, or don't believe in His existence whatsoever.
Their cynicism is often over-the-top to the point its hilarious. Their lack of interest in really anything but having fun is saddening, but not unexpected. They question everything...except their own questions.
They are without a doubt my people. I love them dearly. Oh that some of them may be saved by the person and work of Jesus.

Hansen

Slang away!

2009-01-22T18:20:00.002-05:00

ok, so this post is pretty pointless.

I found a pretty neat little site today: doubletongued.org

it is and I quote: "a lexicon of fringe English, focusing on slang, jargon and new words.

Hansen

PS: I am looking to do a post with a little more substance in the future. so keep an eye out for that!

Caught in the landslide of the Perfect God pt.3

2009-01-19T13:55:00.006-05:00

"And being found in human form he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." -Phil 2:8-9

Bet you thought that it would be a passage from Hosea. psych! (sike? psyke?) I do hope to get back posting stuff about the book of Hosea. But since all Scripture is God-breathed...

Signing up to Challies Scripture memory email group has been fantastic (as has writing up flash-cards for them!). Mostly because I don't think I would remember to write verses on flash cards, so this in a way, has been quite the motivator...mostly because I'm lazy, if I had my way i would spend the rest of my days reading, blogging, napping, and working out (I'm not actually sure if I'm serious...or joking. seriously joking? jokingly serious?)

Anyway, back on track. today I've found myself dwelling upon this verse. In actuality I was dwelling upon the word obedient. As I was thinking upon it, I began to realize that although i know the dictionary definition of obedience. I hardly know how it looks practically in practice, and I hardly knows how it looks coming from the very depths of my soul.

I know there are times where I will gladly and joyfully be obedient to Jesus. It is usually during the times when I know the pain and cost will not be large. There are also times when humble glad submission comes very difficult for me. Those are usually the times that I do not know the destination, or path clearly. Nor can I see what it will cost me, or how much the pain of submitting will be.

In my arrogance, like Israel, I chase after what I think will give me most joy. In my arrogance I believe that Jesus is here to take joy away from me. In my short-sightedness (humourously, I am ACTUALLY physically short-sighted), I am like a 3 year old boy throwing a temper-tantrum at Zellers because my parents wouldn't get me super-sized Mr.Big chocolate bar.
I can only see the short-term desires, and can't see the consequence. God, like my parents, only desire me to be joyful. I can only see clearly what is in front of me, but an Loving God outside of history, outside of time, can see what is ahead of me. And desires to give me my greatest joy. And, although I may not think it all the time. My greatest joy is Him. My greatest Joy is a joy that feels deeply through all pain and sorrow. My greatest Joy remains even in sadness. My greatest Joy, is open and honest, everlasting and real. My greatest Joy is Jesus, because He is enough.

Hansen

working out and working through

2009-01-17T19:16:00.006-05:00

"You choose to use the broken and abused/soft spoken misfit to open your good news" - Sintax.the.terrific "Broke toys (an anti-intro)"

Recently I have been thinking on, and being convicted about really working out my theology. And of course by my theology, I do mean the Gospel. As I continue to explore what it means for me to work out my salvation, I am also continuing to work through what the Gospel is.
Before you get your freak on, let me expain. I don't mean that I don't know the Gospel, what I mean is I desire to present the clearest picture of the Cross, of Jesus, that His Grace will allow me. No "being a Christian means you don't do yaddi yadda" but more so "We are broken, and this is what His Cross does" type of thing. I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I desire to figure out what parts of Christianity is life-giving Gospel, and what parts are life-taking religion, what parts I can and should question, and what parts I need to, without a doubt, believe.
Then as I go along, I want to figure out how the Holy Spirit calls me to live that out. Figure out what areas of society I should dip my hand into. Clearly that doesn't necessarily mean what I want to do, but rather, where Jesus can press me the most, where He can in the process of sanctifying me, make me effective.
One thing I do desire though is to be in a place that will not, by His Grace, allow my heart to harden. I want to tell especially those, that are a broken, bent and messed up, that the Cross gives you freedom from sin that is habitual and generational. I want to tell them that the Cross restores the rhythmic relationship with a God who is Merciful, Just and Beautiful. A relationship that at our deepest level our soul remembers and longs for. I want to tell them that because of the Cross, the failings of generations will not be passed down to the ones we have. I want to tell them that the Cross is far more brutal, violent, vicious and bloody than we could ever imagine, but more beautiful, saving, restoring, freeing, life-giving then we ever deserved.
I want to tell them that outside a deep, joy giving relationship with Jesus we maybe breathing but we aren't alive. I want to tell them that only Jesus can satisfy us fully and anything else is like chasing the wind.

I guess I'll end like I began, with lyrics that strike a chord with I have been working on and praising Jesus for:
"I say grace, what a wonderful thing/ cold blooded lowlife to the son of a King/ a fresh tune hummin now with somethin to sing/work it out every day and throw my tongue in the ring" - Mars ill "Chains gon' break"

Hansen

comics

2009-01-16T10:10:00.002-05:00

I meant to post some of these during christmas day. but I forgot. so here are some christmas comics with one non-christmas one

Hansen

a (new) life in review

2009-01-11T09:40:00.006-05:00

Lets review for a bit shall we? I became a Christian in 2000, that would be about 8 years ago. At that time I was 14. Alright, review over. Now back to the scheduled post.

If you were to ask me 8 years ago if I thought that I would be "better" than I am, I would say yes. If you were to ask me now if I was "better" than I was 8 years ago, I still would say yes. However, to be honest, I thought that at this point in time that I would be holier (haha, serious though), that I would have overcome more sins that historically have owned me...that I would "know" more about God than I do.
The fact of the matter is, I'm not altogether entirely satisfied of where I am in terms of these things. This past year has been a year that, I believe, God has completely beaten me down on somethings. and has revealed issues that I need to deal with that shock and appall me.
One thing, which seems to have stuck with me is the fact that faith doesn't really come easily for me. I'm cynical, and that's the truth. I get geeked out about stories about the incredible sovereignty of God. but I'm still cynical of the church...of a lot of things. I have a great hope for the North American church, please don't get the impression that I despise everything about it. Because I don't.
It seems that even though these past 8 years have been no cake-walk, I thought I would be farther along. Instead it feels like the Spirit, continues to reveal things that need a major beating. (like the huge chip on my shoulder that I use to be arrogant and prideful) Sometimes I don't want to be a Christian. Especially when I see the news. Sometimes I wonder where I would be at if Jesus did not save me, if He did not become my substitute. And everytime I wonder these things, I get a vision of a life...not as satisfying, not as fulfilling, and not as life changing.
Don't misinterpret me, I'm not saying that everything is amazing, and I'm happy all the time, and that I'm never angry, or frustrated. I'm just saying that, more than anything, more than any religion... Pressing into Jesus has been the most painful experiences of my life, but it is full of meaning, and His mercy, and His grace.
Make no mistake about it, I'm here to stay but that's because of the Sovereign God who chose to save me. If He didn't save me, I wouldn't be in this for the long haul, I would have been long gone.

Hansen

Gravity: The Weight of Pastoring and the knowledge of Christ

2009-01-08T00:34:00.005-05:00

For those of you who know me, you know that absolutely enjoy listening to Matt Chandler. this is an old video from two or three years ago. This is essentially the story of how Matt ended up pastoring the Village. But more importantly, its about the cost being a Bible-teacher can bring. And even more importantly, its about Jesus too. if you have about an hour, listen and watch.

yeah, I admit I'm admire Matt greatly. For his open and honest way of speaking, for the gift that Jesus gave him of preaching and teaching.

Hansen

Caught in a landslide of the Perfect God pt.2

2009-01-03T22:57:00.004-05:00

I have clearly lost my mind.
I mean if I was smart, I would only read the verses...read the chapters that only talked about Gods love for me (even if, contextually it didn't ACTUALLY say that).
If I was out to save my own skin, I would only read the parts of the Bible that didn't talk about God's Justice and Wrath, but only read about His patience, and Mercy and Grace.
The fact of the matter is, that the more I read the Bible the more I see just how unfair my own Salvation is. I see Justice and Wrath being poured out upon Jesus, not as my example but as my substitute. I see His sovereignty all throughout His Word (even if it isn't an ESV...or ESVSB...shout-outs to all my Reformed brethren...I joke about you because I love you, and I'm one of you)

1 "Say of your brothers, 'My people,' and of your sisters, 'My loved one.'

Israel Punished and Restored

2 "Rebuke your mother, rebuke her,
for she is not my wife,
and I am not her husband.
Let her remove the adulterous look from her face
and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.

3 Otherwise I will strip her naked
and make her as bare as on the day she was born;
I will make her like a desert,
turn her into a parched land,
and slay her with thirst.

4 I will not show my love to her children,
because they are the children of adultery.

5 Their mother has been unfaithful
and has conceived them in disgrace.
She said, 'I will go after my lovers,
who give me my food and my water,
my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.'

6 Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.

7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say,
'I will go back to my husband as at first,
for then I was better off than now.'

8 She has not acknowledged that I was the one
who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil,
who lavished on her the silver and gold—
which they used for Baal.

9 "Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens,
and my new wine when it is ready.
I will take back my wool and my linen,
intended to cover her nakedness.

10 So now I will expose her lewdness
before the eyes of her lovers;
no one will take her out of my hands.

11 I will stop all her celebrations:
her yearly festivals, her New Moons,
her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts.

12 I will ruin her vines and her fig trees,
which she said were her pay from her lovers;
I will make them a thicket,
and wild animals will devour them.

13 I will punish her for the days
she burned incense to the Baals;
she decked herself with rings and jewelry,
and went after her lovers,
but me she forgot,"
declares the LORD.

14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.

15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor ^[a] a door of hope.
There she will sing ^[b] as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master. ^[c] '

17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.

18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.

19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in ^[d] righteousness and justice,
in ^[e] love and compassion.

20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.

21 "In that day I will respond,"
declares the LORD—
"I will respond to the skies,
and they will respond to the earth;

22 and the earth will respond to the grain,
the new wine and oil,
and they will respond to Jezreel. ^[f]

23 I will plant her for myself in the land;
I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one. ^[g] '
I will say to those called 'Not my people, ^[h] ' 'You are my people';
and they will say, 'You are my God.' "

Reading Hosea 2 today I felt conflicted. As I read it, a part of me was screaming that a Just, Loving God would not do what He did in the first part of the chapter. He would only do the last part of the chapter. I mean a Just, Loving God would not go and say "I will make her like a desert, turn her into a parched land, and slay her with thirst. I will not show my love to her children because they are the children of adultery." From verses 1-13, it is essentially God rebuking and pouring His Justice upon Israel. I mean this God seems downright...well, angry. How could a supposedly loving God do this to His people?
And then as I was thinking about it, I realized, this isn't about them. Well, it is but it isn't JUST about them. This is about God. This is about His name. His Glory. His Praise. His People essentially turned many a good thing into ultimate things. The nation of Israel was profaning His name. All the things that they are chasing will lead to destruction, will lead to the desert (and sometimes God brings us to the desert to destroy the very things we chase after). My reaction to His action reveals nothing more than my idolatry. It reveals that I want my version of God to be more like a love-fairy than the God that is the Creator and Sustainer of all things.
As a person who still sins, of course I would love the Merciful God more than I would love a Just God. No one guilty of a felony, no one guilty period desires justice. We desire Grace and Mercy. And He has given it to us through the person and work of Jesus. How amazing is that? Because now, because of what happened on the Cross, He can say to His children "You are my people." And if Jesus has saved us we can reply, with hearts full of joy "You are my God."

Hansen

Caught in a landslide of the Perfect God pt 1.

2009-01-02T12:04:00.004-05:00

So I'm currently taking a break from the book of Jeremiah to traverse into the pages of Hosea. I am certain that I am not finished with Jeremiah...actually, to be more accurate the book of Jeremiah is still not finished with me. However, that being said, this morning I felt a strong compelling to go into the book of Hosea, of the reasons why I felt compelled I do not know. but upon reading the first chapter reminded me so much of the wrath and Justice of God, just as much as it reminded me about His Grace and Mercy.

1The word of the LORD that came to Hosea, the son of Beeri,^(A) in the days of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, kings of Judah, and in the days of^(B) Jeroboam the son of Joash, king of Israel.

Hosea’s Wife and Children

2When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea,^(C) "Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have^(D) children of whoredom, for^(E) the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the LORD." 3So he went and took Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.

4And the LORD said to him, "Call his name Jezreel, for in just a little while^(F) I will punish the house of Jehu for the blood of Jezreel, and^(G) I will put an end to the kingdom of the house of Israel. 5And on that day^(H) I will break the bow of Israel^(I) in the Valley of Jezreel."

6She conceived again and bore a daughter. And the LORD said to him,^(J) "Call her name No Mercy,^[a] for^(K) I will no more have mercy on the house of Israel, to forgive them at all. 7But^(L) I will have mercy on the house of Judah, and I will save them by the LORD their God. I^(M) will not save them by bow or by sword or by war or by horses or by horsemen."

8When she had weaned No Mercy, she conceived and bore a son. 9And the LORD said,^(N) "Call his name Not My People,^[b] for^(O) you are not my people, and I am not your God."^[c]

10^[d] Yet^(P) the number of the children of Israel shall be^(Q) like the sand of the sea, which cannot be measured or numbered.^(R) And^(S) in the place where it was said to them,^(T) "You are not my people," it shall be said to them,^(U) "Children^[e] of^(V) the living God." 11And^(W) the children of Judah and the children of Israel shall be gathered together, and^(X) they shall appoint for themselves one head. And they shall go up from the land, for great shall be the day of Jezreel.

This first chapter amazed me, first because of the intensity of God and second by the obedience of Hosea. Honestly, if God told me to make a prostitute (or in the ESV: a wife of whoredom) my wife I would question my sanity. But Hosea's obedience, even if taking a wife of questionable character would cause him great shame, astounds me. Here is a prophet, who because of the charge given to him would most likely be held in high regard, marrying a "woman of the night" to show the relationship between God and Israel. And each subsequent child that Hosea and Gomer have, God tells them to give them names that also represent that relationship:

Jezreel for God will destroy the kingdom of Israel in the valley of Jezreel.
No Mercy because He will show no mercy to Israel, but He will be merciful towards Judah. Saving them not through war, but through Himself.
And finally, Not my People because Israel is not His people and He is not His God.

but this amazing story doesn't end there, because after that, God provides a message of Hope. God says that "in the place where it was said to them,^(T) "You are not my people," it shall be said to them,^(U) "Children^[e] of^(V) the living God." What an incredible message. In this one chapter alone, we see a fairly clear view of God's Justice, Choosing and Mercy. He is so good, He could have wiped them out completely. Instead, in His Great Mercy He decided to save them. Not just because He loves us, but because it is a display of His Great Character.

I can't wait to continue looking at Hosea...but more importantly, I wait for the times that as I'm reading this, God uses this book to tear me to shreds in the process of sanctification. Not for my glory, but for His. Not only for my benefit, but for His worship.

Hansen

Merry Christmas

2008-12-21T16:49:00.004-05:00

This christmas message is brought to by the lovely makers of "Christmas in Hollis" and "Christmas is" aka Run-DMC

Hansen
PS: I don't believe in Santa Claus...the songs are super fun.

Old school hip hop

2008-12-21T00:30:00.002-05:00

Today, we have some Run-DMC and AeroSmiths "Walk this way", Sugarhill lands "Rappers delight" Boogie down productions "My philosophy" and finally DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's "Parents just don't understand"

Walk This Way - Aerosmith & Run DMC

Parents Just Don't Understand

dry.....

2008-12-14T17:19:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I was being led into the desert not by the Spirit, but instead I was going because of my own sin, desires, apathy, arrogance, pride, shame, and an uncaring hardened heart. During this time, I knew what I was doing and didn't care at all. I knew, intellectually all the answers, I could speak about theological things. But my faith was absolutely cold. The theological answers were not enough. Here and there, there were always little Oasis patches, which were refreshing. but they were not enough. It seems that I turned away from the reality of the Gospel when Jesus got close to the root issues of my sin.
I have a chip on my shoulder the size of Texas, that makes me judgemental, arrogant, and Pharasaical. That chip, caused (causes still) me not ask for help because I see that as a sign of weakness. That chip causes me to be self-righteous to the point of hating another person.
I have lust issues that I use to never be truly honest, because if I was, I would say I hate myself because although I strive to be open, honest and broken....it is a false openness, honesty and brokenness. It is something that cannot, and should not be dealt with, within a relationship. And although I thought it could be, I was wrong. So wrong. and I abhor myself for it.

I feel like I'm still in the desert and I'm just at another oasis. somtimes I feel like I've been in the desert for awhile, and I've just made stops at multiple oasis'. I think though, that I need this, to have my sins and issues revealed to me, and have Jesus slowly and painfully whittle them away.

Hansen

whirlwind adventures in Jeremiah pt.II

2008-11-20T12:02:00.013-05:00

18 The children gather wood, the fathers light the fire, and the women knead the dough and make cakes of bread for the Queen of Heaven. They pour out drink offerings to other gods to provoke me to anger. 19 But am I the one they are provoking? declares the LORD. Are they not rather harming themselves, to their own shame? - Jeremiah 7: 18-19 (NIV)

Usually when I'm posting on here I like to use the ESV translation, but for some reason the NIV translation really caught my attention. but that's not important anyway.

If you recall I'm currently going through the book of Jeremiah, and in one of my previous posts I stated that even though many people that I have heard talk about passages from Jeremiah usually speak as it is about the unbeliever, I said that God is actually talking to His people. In fact, the chapter(s) i have been slogging through is one big giant rebuke against Israel and Judah.

verse 19 is especially troublesome to me. Not because I think it's wrong, but because I know that it's right. If there is one thing that history has recorded, if there is one thing that observing people have showed me it is that the things that we do provide a tiny bit of pleasure but in the end can be incredibly harmful. Whether it is sex, drinking, playing video games, eating [add whatever else you can think of] too much of one thing can in the end harm us. When we turn a good thing into the ultimate thing that is when it is harmful...even if it provides us the pleasure of the now.

This is not a rebuke against the unbeliever, this is a rebuke against the believer. The one that claims to know Jesus, the one that claims to press into Him, the one.....this is a rebuke against me. This is a rhetorical question asked to us. If we were honest (and it's a lie to say that Christians are honest all the time) with ourselves we would realize that we all have idols. It is arrogant to say that we have it altogether, that all we worship is Jesus because in my experience and in talking to other people that isn't actually the case when we get down to the nitty gritty.

One of my grave concerns for myself, and other Christians, is that we will spend so much time reading theology...we will not let theology read us. You know what I mean? I mean we will not let theology (in context of the Gospel, in context in His Word) penetrate deeply into our hearts, we will not let theology show us how bent and broken we are. We will not let the Holy Spirit use theology, use His word to bring us to a place of awe and humility, worship and repentance.

I know that I can easily let my faith become cold, logical knowledge. I know that it happens very easily for me. And without actively looking at myself, without asking the Holy Spirit to use His Word to read me...that's all my faith will become...cold, dead, compassionless logical knowledge, and I will become an arrogant, judgemental, hypocritical jerk.

What I guess I'm trying to say is, there are times where we want to turn good things into ultimate things. There are times we DO turn good things into ultimate things (and disguise it under the name of being a good Christian). It is only doing us more harm then good, but thank God for His mercy...so evident in Jeremiah...and so evident in my life. Even though I struggle with many issues (and I don't want to deny that fact) He will still rebuke the mess out of me, because all He wants for me is joy found in Him. And without sanctifying me from my junk, I would never realize it.

Hansen

The privitization of faith

2008-11-17T14:14:00.003-05:00

Let's take a little time to be honest here. I know I could easily hide behind typical, vague, soulless religious language. I know I could, without a doubt, spout off all these little clever "encouraging" sentences that use the Scriptures in some form or another. I know I could talk about the benefits of community, the pluses of fellowship blah blah blah blah blah.
Historically, I have always been a lone wolf, I have usually held people at an arm's length so to speak. I have used outrageous humour, sarcasm, and sometimes apathy to keep everyone at a "safe" distance. People get to know me, but they don't get to know me. Got it? Good.
Now throughout this obstacle course called faith, I like to play the game called "Let's pretend that everything is fine." The object of this game is a Christian has to convince everyone around them that everything is fine, that nothing fazes them, all they feel is over-the-top, over-done, super-sweet joy...through any circumstance. This of course, for me anyway, was a lie. This game was a game I could never hope to win. Sooner or later, all the safety nets, all the masks, all the system fail-safes will crash. And all the struggles, all the sorrows, all the brokeness....all the stupidity in it all will come tumbling out, or trickling out.
I have always, had a loner personality, with a idiotic Saviour complex. Which essentially means, I think I can save others from their struggles, while at the same time I didn't need anyone to help me with mine. (Because Jesus and I, we have this handled. We can git 'er done by sundown). And so that is one reason I would play the game.
The other reason I played the game is because I would inevitably fail. I would spectacularly fail in saving others from their struggles. And I would go out in an amazing ball of stupidity trying to handle mine on my own. I expected others to be open about what they were going through, and yet at the same time I was privitizing my own.
And yet, it is the privitization of my struggles, of my faith, that gives sin its power over me. As I try and carry a burden on my own, that I cannot hope to carry, saying "cute" (but true) sentences like: "I am free because of Jesus" etc etc. but not knowing if I actually believe that what I believe is strong enough.
Even after 6 years of learning this I still keep my friends at arms length, using humour and sarcasm. I still rarely let them see the chinks in my armour. Even after 6 years of the same lesson, I still haven't learned.
And yet, maybe it's because I don't want to put in the effort to cultivate deep, meaningful life giving friendships. Maybe I am unwilling to struggle, and battle for true soul-bearing, risk-taking, rugged honesty. Maybe it is my pride that is keep me away...maybe it is my shame. Maybe Genesis was right, and the things I try to cultivate will constantly war against me. Or maybe it's all of that.
Historically I have been a loner who's pretty self-absorbed, and through His wonderful Mercies, I hope and pray that I can put in the effort to cultivate friendships that are so very difficult to attain.

Hansen

Grace Bible Study

2008-11-14T07:31:00.002-05:00

Ok, I know I know, another youtube post. But this one is just way too good. It's just a bunch of Matt Chandler soundbytes, but it's pretty good. (though, the music is a bit cheesy, although i think it adds to the video). It's essentially about Jesus and the fact that He is the ONLY satisfaction, which I know intellectually know but I very often forget.

Hansen

Javalujah!

2008-11-13T18:08:00.002-05:00

Ok, I don't actually consider this a real post, but really...this video was pretty funny. I hope your week has been going well. and I hope to get some type of not youtube post on soon.

Hansen

Matt Chandler and attraction

2008-11-12T09:18:00.001-05:00

us vs them?

2008-11-08T19:35:00.002-05:00

One of the things I am afraid of every time I post something serious on here (which is about 3/4 of the time) is that people will read it, and not think it is about them. What I mean is, they will read it and will not take the time to wrestle with it. Instead their mind will go to someone else, or an organization, or other people.
To be honest, I don't primarily make these entries for you (dear reader). I tend to type them as a reminder to me. More so that I do not forget these things. I type them, so for fear that if I don't, I will forget the lessons and so become hard-hearted, and pharasaical. Turning Christianity, into merely living a life of rules, having morals but no joy. having a list of "do's and do not's" but no life. I hope, and I pray that I do not turn into something like a Pharisee.
I do not want to turn Christianity into an "us vs them" belief. I do not want to be known for what I'm against, I want to be known for who I love (I'll give you a hint, His name starts with a J and rhymes with esus). Certainly there are things I am against, not saying there aren't. I'm just saying, primarily, I want to be known as someone who's just a lame-o jerk that is being progressively sanctified by a Saviour that has seen to the very depths of my dark soul and loves me still...and chose me , not because of anything that I did, but because He is so merciful. I want to be known as the guy that doesn't have it all together, but I'm trying, by His wonderful Grace, I'm trying.
yeah, Christianity is not a "we're better than you" religion, though I am well aware that sometimes we act like it is...that I act like it is, no, Christianity is made up of a dysfunctional group of wrecked, bent people that more often than not like to pretend that they have it all together, that nothing is wrong.
Please, I beg you when you read what I have posted, don't automatically think of someone else. Wrestle with it internally, examine yourself, and if the Holy Spirit uses it to wreck you, than praise Jesus. because it was never really primarily meant for you. I put it down because the Holy Spirit used it to blow me up, and it is to remind me of that.

Hansen

The end is near

2008-11-05T14:49:00.011-05:00

Lets face it, one of these days I'm going to be taking a dirt nap. On that day, I don't want friends or family to be depressed that I'm gone, I want them to rejoice. So, I'm going to make a list, of the reasons why you shouldn't cry for me. and it'll definately grow longer the more that I experience.
so here is the preliminary list:

Don't cry for me I have a wonderful family
Don't cry for me I have incredible friends
Don't cry for me I've laughed so hard I hyperventilated to the point of almost blacking out
Don't cry for me, I've laughed so loud my friends could hear me from a different room on the other side of the building, and floor.
Don't cry for me, I've laughed so hard that milk came out of my nose
Don't cry for me, I've had good beer with even better friends
Don't cry for me, I've had mind-blowing 4-5 hour long discussions on theology, and not just the simple stuff, but on incredibly weighty issues
Don't cry for me, I've seen Christ save people
Don't cry for me, I've been to Malaysia, Hong Kong, the UK, Kazakhstan, East Asia and the US
Don't cry for me, I've smelled the ocean
Don't cry for me, I've been on a mountain
Don't cry for me, I've seen a sunset
Don't cry for me, I've seen a sunrise
Don't cry for me, I've been to university
Don't cry for me, I've eaten the best sushi
Don't cry for me, I've had amazing bubbletea
Don't cry for me, I've eaten incredibly mouth-watering, savoury food
Don't cry for me, I've eaten a lobster
Don't cry for me, I've ridden a horse
Don't cry for me, I've eaten a horse
Don't cry for me, I'm home

I expect this list to grow longer, but I never expect the last line...to not be the last line...ever.

Hansen

Whirlwind adventures in Jeremiah

2008-11-03T22:29:00.005-05:00

Run to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem,
look and take note!
Search her squares to see
(B) if you can find a man,
one who does justice
and seeks truth,
(C) that I may pardon her. 2(D) Though they say, "As the LORD lives,"
(E) yet they swear falsely.
3O LORD, do not your eyes look for truth?(F) You have struck them down,
but they felt no anguish;
you have consumed them,
but they refused to take correction.
(G) They have made their faces harder than rock;
they have refused to repent.

4Then I said, "These are only the poor;
they have no sense;
(H) for they do not know the way of the LORD,
the justice of their God.
5I will go to the great
and will speak to them,
for they know the way of the LORD,
the justice of their God."
(I) But they all alike had broken the yoke;
they had burst the bonds.

6Therefore(J) a lion from the forest shall strike them down;
a(K) wolf from the desert shall devastate them.
(L) A leopard is watching their cities;
everyone who goes out of them shall be torn in pieces,
because their transgressions are many,
their(M) apostasies are great.

7(N) "How can I pardon you?
Your children have forsaken me
(O) and have sworn by those who are no gods.
(P) When I fed them to the full,
(Q) they committed adultery
(R) and trooped to the houses of whores.
8They were well-fed, lusty stallions,
(S) each neighing(T) for his neighbor’s wife.
9(U) Shall I not punish them for these things?
declares the LORD;
and shall I not avenge myself
on a nation such as this?

10(V) "Go up through her vine rows and destroy,
(W) but make not a full end;
strip away her branches,
for they are not the LORD’s.
11(X) For the house of Israel and the house of Judah
have been utterly treacherous to me,

declares the LORD.
- Jeremiah 5:1-11

There are times when I read the Old Testament, I remember my camp days (as a camper) and my days as a sunday schooler, and I remember hearing these stories and somehow these stories were made out to be about those that do not proclaim to be Christian. Something along the lines of "They're hearts are hardened and they love to sin, and they have unrepentant hearts." But Jeremiah is not about those that do not know God, it is about Israel, about Judah, the very people God chose to be...His people. What if this passage wasn't about the pagan? What if this passage is about religious people? What if this passage is about people that know a bunch about Jesus, a bunch of theology, lives a very morally conservative life, votes Conservative (if American: Republican), and at the core of their being are lifeless, joyless, self-righteous people? What if this passage is not about the unrepentant, hardened heart pagan? What if this passage is squarly about the unrepentant, hardened heart religious person?

Look, I don't know if you (dear reader) are religious or not. All I know is, that there are parts of me that are absolutely unmercifully condemningly religious. Case in point: I am unusually judgemental about those people stuck in lust problems. Which is HIGHLY hypocritical of me, because I myself am dealing with lust problems myself. It is in my shame (and/or in my pride....shameful pride? prideful shame?) that I condemn those that struggle. Or how about when I arrogantly look down on the uptight legalists (for being a killjoy)...or being judgemental on loose liberals (for purposefully sinning under the name of Grace).

this was a hard passage, it really was. It seems that much of what I've read in Jeremiah has been, for the most part, difficult. Dear readers, I encourage you to really wrestle with this. Wrestle with God about this, because chances are that you won't be able to see the religious parts of you without the Holy Spirit. Just a warning, it can get painful, because Jesus will reveal the depths of it to us. But thank God for His Great Mercies, that He will not let us live a life of lifeless, hypocritical religion. Thank God that Jesus came so that religion could be destroyed. Thank God that because of the Cross, we have freedom from sin AND freedom from religion.

Hansen

Barack Roll'd

2008-11-01T21:52:00.001-04:00

Saw this on Youtube today. I definately enjoyed it, it made me laugh. Enjoy!

Hansen

Joy over Happiness

2008-10-29T16:23:00.005-04:00

10Then I said, "Ah, Lord GOD,^(A) surely you have utterly deceived this people and Jerusalem, saying, 'It shall be well with you,' whereas the sword has reached their very life." - Jeremiah 4:10

I was reading Jeremiah (4:10-22 to be more exact) and this really caught my eye. It got me thinking about what Jeremiah seemed to be implying. And then it dawned on me that Jeremiah's mindset is sometimes exactly like our mindset. What I mean is, the implications of this sentence is that we tend to think that God lives to make us happy, to make our lives easy, to make sure there are never any problems in our lives. And when things fall apart, as they tend to do at times, God is either a liar, He doesn't actually care, or He doesn't exist.
But God does not live to make us happy, that I have learned plenty of times, and am learning still because I'm slow to learn lessons and slower to apply them. No, He doesn't live to make us happy, He wants to make me joyful. And those two are very different. Happiness is fleeting, and is based in what we are going through but Joy...joy when rooted deeply in the amazing message of the Gospel, is long-lasting through even troubled times. Of course being joyful doesn't mean you go "my life is wreck but everything is Awesome!" and it doesn't sound happy all the time (like the song "I've got the joy down in my heart" would have you believe).
but golly, it's saying "my life is a wreck, I feel like my struggles are overtaking me, I don't feel God anywhere near me, but I trust that His Gospel is sufficient for me. I believe that He is enough. I will beg, and plead, that this desert will end soon, because the Your Grace allows me to come to You, to rest in Your Words, even though I may not feel You. And even if it doesn't end soon, I believe in the promise that You are Good."
And when we get out of the desert place, how much more worshipful are you toward God. how much more thankful are you toward Him? As He does the often painful job of sanctification? How amazing is He, that as we go through the dry spells, as we go through the painful times, He is bringing us closer to Him?
I think my reaction towards God during those dry times, painful times more often than not, reveals to me my idolatry. Like somehow I'm entitled to happiness, comfort, a pain-free life. I am my own idol. and when things like this happen, it is to show me the idolatry that robs me of joy. He doesn't want to rob me of joy, He wants to increase joy. and a deep, fulfilling Joy can only be found in Jesus.
How amazing is He?

Hansen

It is only You

2008-10-22T15:07:00.004-04:00

11And the LORD said to me,(A) "Faithless Israel has shown herself more righteous than treacherous Judah. 12Go, and proclaim these words toward(B) the north, and say, (C) "'Return, faithless Israel, declares the LORD.I will not look on you in anger, for(D) I am merciful, declares the LORD;(E) I will not be angry forever. 13(F) Only acknowledge your guilt, that you rebelled against the LORD your God and scattered your favors among foreigners under(G) every green tree, and that you have not obeyed my voice, declares the LORD. 14(H) Return, O faithless children, declares the LORD; (I) for I am your master; I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion. 15"'And(J) I will give you shepherds after my own heart,(K) who will feed you with knowledge and understanding. 16And when you have multiplied and increased in the land, in those days, declares the LORD, they shall no more say, "The ark of the covenant of the LORD." It shall not come to mind or be remembered or missed; it shall not be made again. 17At that time Jerusalem shall be called the throne of the LORD,(L) and all nations shall gather to it,(M) to the presence of the LORD in Jerusalem, and they shall no more stubbornly follow their own evil heart. 18(N) In those days the house of Judah shall join the house of Israel, and together they shall come from the land(O) of the north to(P) the land that I gave your fathers for a heritage.

How amazing is God to continue to love, pursue, and fight for Israel, even though she is "faithless." How amazing is God to still send His son, so that the ark of the covenant will no longer be made again. How amazing is God, that even though I am like faithless Israel, and more often, like unfaithful, treacherous Judah that He should still love me, pursue me, fight with and for me. How amazing that Jesus loved me even though I hated Him, that in His incredible mercy and Grace He powerfully grabbed a hold of my hard heart and gave me a heart of flesh. Yeah, how amazing is God, that these weak words will never be satisfactory in extolling His glory.

Hansen

The power of Christ impales you!

2008-10-21T09:12:00.003-04:00

Ummm, I don't know whether to laugh or be disturbed. haha, seriously, if I laugh does it make me a blasphemer? In anycase, for some very very odd reason I kinda want to see "Jesus Christ, vampire hunter" if only because it looks soooo lame that it has potential to be a comedic hit...or maybe because I'm a blasphemer, I have no clue.

Hansen

Christian Rock Hard

2008-10-15T10:48:00.004-04:00

This is hilarious. I love shows like these (though in all honesty I have never seen a full episode of South Park). Despite how sacreligious they are, they very often are quite truthful about the state of North American Christianity. Apparently South Park had an episode where the characters had a competition to see who could make it big in the music industry. Cartman had an idea to start a Christian band, basically changing the lyrics on well known songs (words like baby to Jesus etc) to make them "christian." ....Love the songs they make me laugh. I'll let you, readers, decide what to make of them. I personally think they aren't actually all that different from some of the stuff we sing/put out onto cd's.

Hansen

I don't know you

2008-10-13T20:56:00.006-04:00

22^(A) On that day^(B) many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not^(C) prophesy in your name, and cast out demons^(D) in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23^(E) And then will I declare to them, 'I^(F) never knew you;^(G) depart from me,^(H) you workers of lawlessness.' - Matt 7:22, 23

26Then you will begin to say,^(A) 'We ate and drank in your presence, and you taught in our streets.' 27But he will say, 'I tell you,^(B) I do not know where you come from.^(C) Depart from me, all you workers of evil!' 28^(D) In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God but you yourselves cast out - Luke 13:26-28

These passages scare me. actually, these passages terrify me. The reason is because these are such a weighty passages...as it should be. It makes me feel uncomfortable, as it should, because there is just so much there to unpack. There's just so much there. I think what terrifies me the most is not Jesus sending them away but its the fact that in both passages people come to Jesus, saying essentially "Look at what we did for you, we spent so much time with you." and Jesus sends these people away. I wrestle with these passages because though I am sure of my salvation, there are times when I put myself in these peoples shoes. It speaks so clearly to me. It terrifies me because there are times, there are these moments when I wonder if I just know about Jesus, but don't actually know Him. you know what I mean? There are these moments that I wrestle with that I wonder if the Gospel has really transformed me. There are times when I imagine that I just not only tricked myself, but also my friends into believing that I am a Christian.

I am incredibly thankful though, for these moments. Why? Why would you be thankful for these? Wouldn't it be better to just trust God? Can't you just submit to Him? Yes and no. and the reason for this is this: Without wrestling through these things, I know that I can't trust Him deeply. It will be nothing more than a superficial trust, it would be nothing more than a superficial submission. I am so incredibly thankful for these moments because these moments show me His mercy and Grace. It is His genuine love for me, that I wrestle through these things, and come through with a deeper understanding of His Grace and a deeper knowledge of His character, a deeper conviction of my sin and a deeper joy because of Him. I believe that if I didn't genuinely believe I would not have given these passages a second, third, fourth or fifth go around.

So how do I know that I am His? I know because of the change in me, in my thoughts, actions and even in my demeanor...I know because of these moments, that I am allowed to wrestle through terrifying weighty passages. I know because I am allowed (and I do) wrestle through weighty passages in the Bible that wreck me, bring me joy, terrify me, all for the praise and glory of Jesus. Yeah, these passages are meant to be wrestled with...so wrestle away, and may Jesus bring you through with a deeper love for everything that He is.

Hansen

it's just a game folks

2008-10-10T14:33:00.005-04:00

Can I just say that this is by far the best costume I have ever seen from any, I repeat any, sports fan in recent memory:

But really folks, its just a game. Doesn't it seem kind of silly to make an Optimus Prime saints fan costume (despite how cool/geeky that is)? Just a question to ponder I suppose.

Hansen
PS: The photo was taking from the Sportsillustrated website: si.com
PPS: 1 more post till I reach the century mark for 2008...gosh, it makes it seem like I don't have a life.

what the.....?

2008-10-09T22:11:00.003-04:00

Let me go off a little bit. Recently while perusing my friends facebook pages I looked at a few of their religious views. And what I found as their religious views was: spiritual. I only have one thing to ask: what the heck does spiritual actually mean?

I mean, I have my own definition for what spiritual means but I have a suspicion that the definition of spiritual is not a universal answer. And maybe that's the point, without one specific answer, we no longer dive into the realm of organized religion...per se. I guess that's what really frustrates me you know? I mean, the definition of "spiritual" is so vague and non-concrete. I mean what does spiritual actually mean? Do you pray and if so what is prayed to? for? Is it a relationship of conversation, or an ask and take? Is it karma based? is there such thing as sin, wrong-doing, evil...or is everyone basically good? and what is standard by which we base this on? is it based on our feelings? society? the law? what? Do we save ourselves, or does something save us? Do we proclaim that this is the only way, or say that there are many ways (and by doing so, proclaiming that having many ways is the only way...see the problem here?)? do we say that we don't know, but in our actions and reactions, proclaim where we stand loudly?

On the surface saying that the religious belief is "spiritual" sounds good, non-threatening. But there is no depth to satisfy...to quench this thirst. I'm not saying I'm better, or even have it all together because I don't. There are deep holes I believe in my understanding of God. I don't have it all right, in fact I believe I have had, and will have it wrong numerous times. But I am thankful for wiser, God-fearing older men and peers in my life that can steer me upon a path of righteousness that is far deeper than a mere spirituality.

I know it may sound arrogant even downright closeminded to proclaim that Jesus is the only way. But within this narrowness there is far more Grace, far more Mercy, far more Hope than any other religion offers. It doesn't matter about your socio-economic background, it doesn't matter what you have done, it doesn't matter where you are in life...Jesus loves you (and me!) all the same. He knows how broken and wrecked we are. and He loves us still. He knows that we cannot be good, because goodness is not measured in actions but it is measured in comparison to God....and we cannot compare. And yet, His sacrifice, His righteousness, His blood, His very life covers us...if we are His. That my friends is far more spiritual than a self-created spirituality will ever be.

Are Christian's closeminded? possibly. but I'll tell you what, I can garuntee that Biblical Christianity is far more open to anyone, and everyone than any other religion, because Jesus didn't turn away anyone that humbly came to Him with a realization that they were jacked-up, broken people...and only He could fulfill them.

Hansen

Papa's got a brand new excuse

2008-10-07T17:29:00.005-04:00

I *heart* the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And this is my favourite episode. I saw it again, and I teared up only because the last few minutes is so jampacked with emotion.

Hansen

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - 424 - Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse

whoa

2008-10-06T21:03:00.003-04:00

Matt Chandler, whether speaking or writing, inspires me. God uses his sermons to convict me, and sometimes wreck me. God uses Matt Chandler to review my perspective on God, and if it's not right, God reminds me that He is enough. His Grace, His Mercy, His Goodness...even in the midst of a desert place, even when I'm beaten down, even when I am powerless to help those I love...He is more than enough.

I had to take this from his most recent post from dwelldeep. I have read it multiple times and still I am convicted. Still I repent, praise and worship...and ask and plead that God in His mercies will continuously remind me that He is my treasure (the one and only thing I can press into during times of joy and sorrow) and all other things are vanity.

"If your hope is set on anything other than Him, how do you survive when it goes bad? How do you remain passionate and vibrant when no one comes or the baptismal waters are still for long stretches? How do you maintain doctrinal integrity or teach hard things if He isn’t the treasure? How do you worship when your wife gets sick or your son goes for a ride in an ambulance? If He is the goal, the treasure, the pursuit, then those things are fuel that presses you into His goodness and grace all that much more. I am not saying they are pleasant or enjoyable but only that if He is your goal you will find your faith sustained." - Matt Chandler

Hansen

Junk

2008-10-05T13:10:00.003-04:00

I know we don't like to admit it. I know we tend to pretend that we have impenetrable skin, that nothing fazes us, that we aren't struggling in a desert place trying desperately to know that God is there. I know we aren't supposed to admit our struggles with sin(s) that have seemingly dogged us for ages. I know that to admit our struggles can be taken as a sign of weakness or even *gasp* as a sign for being a bad Christian. I know that God can't love people that are jacked-up, messed-up, broken people who have tons of "junk" located in the past...we all have to have our lives together before we even consider approaching His throne to ask for His Grace.

Although, we never actually say those things it seems that the overarching culture of North American Christianity can border along the lines of...if I can sum it up in three words: Everything is good.

And yet there are a few friends in my life that, when I talk to them I find myself spilling out my guts in far greater detail than I would put down on this blog (yes there is a level of censorship on here), or tell my other friends. Over the years I find that Christ constantly shows me just how jacked-up I am...and just how far His Grace extends (I'll give you a hint: it is very far...like endless far). Over the years, I have been shown just how damaging burning uncontrolled passion (and all the other sins that go with it), my sin that has dogged me for years, can be for deep, genuine, life-changing relationships with friends and with Jesus. I am thankful, that I am not the only one that struggles with it, that it is ok to admit, to friends and Jesus, that this is huge. I am thankful that I have good friends in which I can spill my guts to, without fear of judgement, ridicule, or excommunication (ok so this is semi-serious haha).

Most importantly, I am thankful for Jesus. Who, 8 years ago, powerfully grabbed a hold of my heart and poured His Grace upon me. And even though I am still jacked-up, messed-up, broken...loves me still and is teaching me that He is enough.

People say that the Church is full of hypocrites, liars, and arrogant, judgemental people. I agree and the beauty of it is Jesus still loves us, still loves me. So come in, you'll fit right in.

Hansen

inspiration

2008-09-29T21:00:00.003-04:00

There may not be a post within the next few days, because I really want to work out a few key questions that pertain to my affections for Christ. Essentially, who/what stirs my affections for Him? What takes it away? What are the steps to flee or saturate myself in them?

I may post it here, or I may just write it in my journal...we'll see, but I encourage all you readers to do this as well.

(I stole this idea from Pastor Matt Chandler of the Village church)

Hansen

Spider-man!

2008-09-25T09:44:00.001-04:00

Might I just add that this is hilarious. Spider-man has a giant robot! awesome!

Anti-meridian

2008-09-24T16:35:00.002-04:00

I always appreciate the lyrical stylings of Reese Roper. and his new work on Anti-Meridian does not disappoint. My favourite songs on that album has quickly become: Starling, These Frail Hands and Invictus.

I've been breaking my back
Only to show You how very lost
One can be
And bitterness fires through me

And brilliance that was
Is flickering cold
Slowly burning to ash
I'm choking on pride
I'm closing my eyes
To one day I'm scared to go back

You are the shadows light of the world
Destroy the blindness
Peace eternal

Take this broken heart if it brings You praise
Take this beaten soul
Shivering hands I will raise

Hope unstoppable
Sing the morning star
Wake up oh sleeper the daylight has come

You are, You are, invincible
You are You are, Unbreakable

Take this broken heart
If it brings You praise
Take this beaten soul
Shivering hands I will raise

Hope unstoppable
Sing the morning star
Wake up oh sleeper the daylight has come

You are You are invincible
You are You are unbreakable
You are You are Invincible
You are You are unbreakable

I've been breaking my back
Only to show you how very lost
One can be
- "Invictus" by Brave Saint Saturn

Hansen

Stand at the altar

2008-09-21T12:19:00.009-04:00

some of my favourite times...and by favourite, I mean most painful moments, are those times when I am...for lack of better word, exposed. When the Spirit peels away all that I think that I am, and shows me who I am. When I stand vulnerable and (figuratively) naked and see every single part of me.
It is in those moments, those small little moments that I desire nothing more than to bury myself deep into something distracting so that I do not have to be confronted with it....after all ignorance is bliss they say. In these moments the last thing I want to do is be alone. Alone with my thoughts, alone with the Great Surgeon...who takes His Holy Scalpel and does some much needed spiritual surgery upon my black, hardened heart...that is unbelievably still beating.
Indeed, it is during these moments that I am reminded that these moments are necessary, not only for me, but for all of us. And we do nothing but distract ourselves from the voice of our Saviour in an effort to avoid the pain of it all at all costs. However, I would contend that avoidance of such pain will never reveal to us the full depth of Jesus. We can live life avoiding such pain, dulling it, ignoring those moments... live a life full of width, but all we'll be getting is a superficial, shallow, kiddy-pool relationship with Jesus and others, there will never be any depth.
It is during these moments that not only can I see my brokenness very clearly, but His Grace and Mercy have also never been clearer. In His Mercy He will not allow me to walk shallowly, instead He will be constantly pressing me at my darkest parts so that I will press into Him deeply, trusting that what is happening is Good and not only for my benefit, but for His worship. And after the pain, even during the pain...it is. It always is.

Hansen

GSP for the win!

2008-09-19T10:00:00.010-04:00

so many thoughts, so many potential blog posts. Frig, just gotta sort through them all.....or maybe combine it into one, because really it's only two topics that have been on my mind recently....or not.

I enjoy watching a good fight every now and then (UFC baby!). I love the technical fights, and of course every now and then I enjoy a good ol' bomb throwing fist fight. In the Scriptures, we are told to "fight the good fight." And what other place can provide a good example of a good fight than the fighters of the UFC.
Hear me out, it's not just the in-ring matches that are good(those tend to be hit or miss depending on the fighter) but rather it is even the training sessions to prepare for a match that are good. These guys go hardcore to learn new techniques, defense, offence, and not only that but they go hardcore to cut weight. The fighters go through a lot to be in a fight, its like a pre-fight...fight, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it takes a lot of time, and perseverance to get to that point. It's one thing I admire about them (yes even the ones that constantly and consistently lose), is that they know how to push through setback, persevere through trials, and though they will sometimes be knocked out or submitted they know how to get up and get ready for another match.
I feel that there are times, and certainly I know there are times that in my fight, there are times where sin completely knocks me out or causes me to tap. So there's really nothing else i can do, except remember the promises of the Gospel, that I am free because of the person and work of Jesus, that I can overcome because of Him. Though He never promised it would be easy...formulaic. I just have to trust that He is all He says He is, and that He is good.
There will be a day, when because of the Holy Spirit training(as cheesy as that sounds), that I will know how to fight better...with better strategy, and better technique. It's just the training that's hard.
I need to learn how to fight the good fight. And with Jesus, I will.

For a technically sound fight
GSP vs Matt Hughes 3 (one of the best fights I've seen ever)

For a straight up bomb-throwing brawl
Forrest Griffin vs Stephen Bonner

Hansen

back in my day....

2008-09-13T17:29:00.004-04:00

"but those days are gone, I got my sights on
making the weak strong from each peak I speak upon
we’ve been given right now, our piece of history to plow
....

I would have yelled for Nazerene crucified Barabas
quelled the riptide of sentiment sprung among the masses
or maybe I would have rawhide hit Him with hateful lashes
until He loved me back with the grace of his blood splashes
....

It’s always right now for a God without time
tomorrow’s just the same as today when your Divine
no foresight or memory to rewind
every action in all of history’s one moment combined" - "There [Always now]" by Sintax.the.terrific ft Sivion

We always pine for the "good" ol' days don't we? We seem to remember the past as something incredibly glorious, ideal...in a way, a somewhat heaven on earth. We remember music being "good" food tasting "better"...people actually being able to dance (although this one may or maynot be true).
We long for the days when pre-marital sex apparently didn't "exist" or at least wasn't encouraged. We dream of days gone by, when society and everyone was "Christian" and we all "believed" in God(Jesus). We romanticize the medieval society for it's chivalry, feudal Japan for it's samurai honour. Don't get me wrong, I'm probably the worst at doing that, longing for the days of old, thinking that for some reason they were better than modern times. That the past was somehow more "moral" and less sinful than we are now. Certainly, I believe they were less openly sexual, but I will contend that the past generation was not more moral, they just were sinning more openly largely at some other point of life.
The fact of the matter is, no matter what time period we go to, it will not be "better"...sure we may paint it as such, but it's not. And the reason is that no matter what time period it is, humanity will always have a fractured relationship with Jesus. We will always sin against one another and be sinned against. We will always be seeking that "one thing" that will fill the Gap of Eternity. We will always want to live longer, run faster, become better, get more things in an effort to satisfy a longing that has been put into our lives by a Sovereign, eternal God.
Oh am I ever thankful for Jesus. For His blood, His Grace, His Salvation, Redemption and Restoration. Am I ever thankful, that Jesus is the pinnacle and center of history, that even in the darkest of moments He is there.
Am I ever thankful that at His choosing, and His time, He regenerated my heart and bestowed Grace upon a vagrant like me. And is changing me, causing me the press into Him, pulling me into Him still.

Hansen

2008-09-12T19:39:00.002-04:00

So I'm going to try a new endeavour. One in years past which I have failed miserably at....but inspired by a certain, and certainly stunning Ms. Alison Ma, I will nonetheless, begin a-journalin'. which doesn't mean it'll cut into the blogging, because I still do enjoy this. But I guess, this journaling is going to be more private and select eyes only (which means none of you who read this...except one). Weeeee! let the endeavour, and adventure begin!

Hansen

Filling the Gap of Eternity

2008-09-11T08:53:00.002-04:00

I enjoy Matt Chandler's speaking...check out the rest of this message at The Resurgence.com, also for some more of his messages check out The Village Church.

So good!

Hansen

Not ok

2008-09-09T15:37:00.004-04:00

"So if I ask you how you're doing, don't smile and say, “Fine.'/
‘Cause it's written all over your face honey, and I ain't blind/
Me and mine, we spill our guts, ‘cause without it, we'd go nuts/" - "Next Door" Mars ill

One thing that has really been hammered into me during this year has been just how exhausting it is to pretend that everything is alright, to pretend that I'm not struggling with anything that it feels like I'm failing my fight for freedom. It's so tiring to pour into others, while I myself am running on empty.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: it takes far less energy to be open and honest about my brokenness. Not so I can get sympathy, but to show that even now, because of the beautiful Gospel, I am being repaired. Sometimes painfully, sometimes slowly, but always purposefully.
If you should see me (online or in person), and I don't sound alright...remind me that it's ok, to not be ok. because sometimes I need that.

Hansen

Re-tune

2008-09-08T19:07:00.004-04:00

"I feel the inner-rhythm of music." - anon. student

That was what was said in my class today. it was interesting to hear, I mean...it is something I don't think about when I bob my head to a songs beat...it just sort of happens.
Music is incredibly powerful, it can feed emotion, ignite passion, invoke a sense of worship. The more I think about music, the more I begin to realize just how (as Matt Chandler would put it) rhythmic this universe was. I see a God that created so many great things(including us) to be in rhythm with and in Him, things that will only work properly in Him. And then suddenly with the fall, we were thrown out of rhythm. So now instead of walking in harmony with Him, instead getting a full enjoyment out of created things and praising creator God for them, we are trying to fill ourselves with things that will ultimately never satisfy. With the rhythmic fracture, within our hearts came a desire for the eternal. A desire for the way it was. A desire that only God can satisfy. And yet, we disharmoniously chase after things that will always fall short.
In the very depths of our soul, we feel the inner-rhythm...not of music, but of the way things were meant to be, and for the longest time we've been trying to get there, on our own. But it won't work, only Jesus can take us there, and only Jesus can keep us there.
And that's what I mean by "Rhythmic Fracture." it's that deep part inside of us that remembers, that longs for eternity but because of sin(not just the things we do, but moreso the condition we are born into) it is broken. And only Jesus can fix it.

Hansen

there's a new blog in town

2008-09-08T17:36:00.005-04:00

One of the optional ways of getting participation marks for my Cultural Studies class is to begin writing a "listening journal." But since I tend to blog far more than I journal I thought I would create a blog that the public (and all who read this blog as well) can read. so I present you with:

www.rhythmicfracture.blogspot.com

there's nothing on it now, but check on it from time to time. I can't garuntee interesting...anything really considering its for school, but then it's cultural studies, so you never know.

Hansen

PS: I will explain the name of this blog in a later post(on my social awkward blog) but right now it's off to attempt to answer the question: "what makes a boring song 'boring'?"

White-wash

2008-09-04T09:09:00.006-04:00

When did following the teachings of Jesus become more important than being transformed by Jesus? How in the world did the message of redemption, transformation and restoration get turned into "here are things we do?" Now, don't get me wrong, I believe that following the teachings of Jesus is important BUT I will contend that without being transformed by Jesus, we will not/cannot follow his teachings with the depth that we can and should.
I believe that following the teachings of Jesus will be near impossible without transformation. Most of what Jesus taught (if not all) doesn't just focus on the outward, but there is a strong focus on the heart. When he tells the rich man (Matthew 19:16-29) to sell his things, it isn't because he's rich. It isn't because being rich is a bad thing, having wealth is morally neutral. Jesus is getting to the heart of the issue with him, the mans wealth was his idol.
It's funny isn't it...not in a funny haha sort of way, but in a funny "kick me when I'm down" way. We all have idols in our lives. Not golden calves, rock formations or something religious like that. Our idols are ninjaesque than that (though it is easier to spot idols in other cultures than it is in ours...its a matter of putting on the correct lenses). Our idols are pleasure, luxury, sports etc etc...its crazy the things we'll do for them, how much we'll sacrifice in the name of [insert idol here].
For me, for the longest time, my idol had been pleasure. To "sell it all" so to speak was one thing I was not willing to do...even for Jesus. What did I sacrifice for it? Real relational...relationships. Real, deep relationships with Jesus and others. And as I'm learning that now, I feel like I have 8 years to catch up on, to learn and to be moulded. Frig it's a painful lesson, but one worthy of praise.
I know for a fact that this would not have happened without the transforming, restoring power of Jesus....which could only come from the Gospel, because it is an integral part of it. Had Jesus not pressed me where I wasn't willing to let go, I know I would have been content with shallow, fake relationship with others...and Jesus. Had I just went along and followed His teachings without being transformed by them I would have been like the Pharisees, who followed the Scriptures to a tee...and they were like white washed tombs. They do good things, but are dead on the inside.
Thank Jesus that He pursued(and continues to pursue) me so fiercely. Presses me at my altars...frees me from my idols, and transforms me, so that I can follow Him with the depth of/and joy that He intended. Thank Jesus for the Gospel which, as Dr. Tim Keller puts it, is the A-Z of the Christian life.

Hansen

SMOKEBOMB!

2008-09-02T20:52:00.002-04:00

Ninja's are great. Adding ninja to the end of any word makes it all the cooler.

Case in point: Julia and I were chatting, and we were talking about how many of our friends were getting engaged and/or married. She made a comment on how marriage just sneaks up on you. and I replied with something along the lines of "Ah, the marriage ninja."

The marriage ninja is so much cooler than a half naked flying baby that shoots heart shaped arrows (that would be cupid by the way). Instead of shooting arrows, the ninja would smokebomb you, then toss a ninja star at you....I haven't worked out all the kinks yet, but basically after the smoke clears away you would be married...or something like that.

really you can put ninja at the end of any word and it would be sweeet.
Marriage ninja, Ice cream Ninja, Febreze ninja, etc etc....

yeeeah, sweeet.

Hansen

New Day

2008-09-01T01:04:00.007-04:00

I'm gonna sing this song
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you're like me
You need hope, coffee, and melody
So sit back down
Let the world keep spinning ‘round
For yesterday's gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

It might not be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day
And it might not look like
A beautiful sunrise
But it's a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day

I’m a pilgrim soul
I've traveled far and come back home
This land is hard and cold
For those who long to love
And I know it might seem
That the world is crumbling
But it’s me and you dancing in the kitchen at 2 am
And we're still alive

It’s the calm of the storm that comes blowing in
It’s the springtime saying I'm back again
The clouds that roll by
Crossing moonlight
Me and you love – everything's alright
Standing in the rain with nowhere to go
Laughing and we're spinning and I hope that you
Remember this day
For the rest of your life
Me and you love – everything’s gonna be alright

And it just might be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
It’s a new day
Oh baby, it’s a new day
If you look outside
To see a beautiful sunrise
It’s a new day

- Robbie Seay Band "New Day"

I love this song (for those of you as my facebook friend, this is my profile song, I suggest that you check it out). In all honesty it is a fabulous song to wake up to, not because it's a feel good song (which for the most part it is), but because it is a reminder that even though this world is incredibly broken there is still hope, things to be thankful for.
We are broken people, whether we are Christians or not, we are all broken. Some of us (by His Grace and Mercy) are being restored to who we are meant to be. Still broken + broken does not equal restored/fixed, instead, without Christ, without the Spirit, a broken person + another broken person will undoubtedly equal more brokenness.
But God is still God, and even in the midst of all chaos, even when the world around you seems crumbling He is more than enough. People always admire the martyrs, those that go to closed countries to preach the saving, redeeming, restoring Gospel of Jesus, and they are admirable to be sure. Although, all praise and credit go to Jesus.
But I honestly find great(possibly greater) encouragement from people that experience incredible pain and sorrow, and in the midst of it can say in honesty and deep, fierce, genuine joy "What I am going through is painful, I may not know what the end result is, but He is more than enough." Those stories encourage me greatly. They remind me, whenever I become cynical that the Church is full of hypocrites, liars and fakers (which we are full of...myself included, in all three categories), I remember that there are people in the church that do not try to hide their brokeness, pain or sorrow.
They are open about it, and believe that Jesus is more than enough. And He is.

Hansen

Current reads before school reads begin

2008-08-29T15:12:00.002-04:00

Right now I'm plugging away at:
The New Park Street Pulpit: Its a basic six volume set of Charles Haddon Spurgeon sermons ( I got them for 32 dollars) It's been a very intense read.

I wanted to read some dead guys this summer, and CH Spurgeon seemed like a good place to start, so far I have not been disappointed.

at the same time I'm also reading:

Divine Sovereignty and Human Responsibility: it is a theological dissertation by D.A Carson, about the tension found in Bible of a Sovereign God and finite humans, from a Reformed theological (Calvinists to most people) view. He takes us from the OT to the NT and shows how God chooses, and how we are responsible. It's very very heavy.

like watching grass grow...

2008-08-28T13:49:00.003-04:00

There are two people that I think I am like in the Bible. The first is David of the Old Testament, and the second is Peter of the New Testament.

The only reason I say this is because 1) As I read the Psalms, David goes from spiritual high, praising and rejoicing, to spiritual anguish and frustration, asking where God is. He does this at a seeming drop of a dime. 2) Peter is full of this brash arrogance, possibly false bravado, that Jesus slowly removes from him.

Those two, though so very often made out to be these guys that only messed up once in a while, are like us...like me, extremely broken, in need of repair that only Jesus could give them.

Today I had one of those times where I could feel myself slipping into despair. In the silent, alone (but never truly alone) with my thoughts, I began to think about faith, relationships...which means I was thinking for the most part about life, of which those two are an integral part of. I began to become fearful, I began to despair. I began to wrestle and question. I also began to focus on my greatest, and only Hope.
In terms of faith, sometimes I wrestle and question whether or not I'm being changed. Sometimes I do not see the change in my life, sometimes I do not realize that the person and work of Jesus , through the Holy Spirit, is changing me. I am so wrapped up and inside my brokeness that I fail to see the changes the Gospel is making in me. I'm so thankful for friends for pointing the changes out.
The last thing I want to do is lead others onto a path of destruction. Sometimes I am afraid that on the day I am called to give an account for my life...Jesus will say "Depart from me I never knew you." Now don't get me wrong, I believe that I am saved, by His life, death, resurrection and ascension. But could there be a chance that I am wrong? Is there a chance that maybe I lied to myself so much that I have believed it. This is something I've been wrestling with, on and off, for a few years now. Each time it comes on strong, and each time Jesus brings me through.

In relationships, today was a time that as I thought about it, I began to wonder if she was out of my league...meaning she's much better than I deserve. I began to wonder why she should, or would, ever trust me, and how I could I lead someone like her. Someone who is incredibly beautiful, incredibly independent, someone by all accounts has a much better head on her shoulders than I do. Someone who also seems to have a much more stable faith than I do. I mean, how could she trust me to lead, if I sometimes I don't trust myself to lead?

And I guess this is it right? I'm not sure if this is something I can ever overcome, and I'm not sure if this is something God wants to remove from me. In His Mercy, I don't know if He wants to remove the very thing(s) that will drive me to press into Him. I'm not sure if He wants to remove the thing(s) that He uses to wreck me up.

Maybe in His Mercy, He allows me to somewhat drown in my thoughts, so that He will make me realize that a) He is the Author and Perfecter of my Salvation. b) I can't trust myself to lead, but I can sure as heck trust Him to lead and lead very well. c) I can't make her trust me, or make her want to follow me, but I can still continue to pray for her, and serve her...as Christ does the Church. and d) In the end, it isn't about me anyway. It is about God, being God, and my life was created, this relationship was started to bring glory and exaltation to Jesus.

Hansen

Lumpsum

2008-08-25T11:52:00.006-04:00

Dear Dad, the class began, hands were held and arms were open/
Moments stolen from the globe and life's blood was always spoken/
One was chosen for another. Broke my will against your wisdom/
Pushed my face towards the light so I could cultivate the vision/
Made decisions for the unit. Hard times, you moved us through it/
By each word and every movement, you're the one who showed me what truth is/
Thanks for the blueprint passed down. I'll grip it by the cover/
Plus you showed me how to love my wife by the way you treat my mother/
And Mom, you sacrificed your body, scarred beneath the weight/
To usher my soul into the universe, human contact, you were first/
Through the worst I had to offer, caught His mercy in your stare/
You were there. Patched my wounds an protected me with your prayers/
Gave me food when I was hungry. Gave me love when I was empty/
Gave me a look of knowing solitude when I said where God would send me/
Thanks for the days and the nights, the laughter and the fights/
Teaching me wrong from right, Mom, the first woman in my life/
To my brother, thanks for the beatdowns and the harassment/
In you I learned to express my views with heated passion/
Followed your footsteps good or bad, so please get the facts straight/
My big brother introduced me to this and gave me my first rap tape/
I watched you grow up, thrive, prosper and self destruct/
Find the jewel in circumstances that sucked but still you stuck/
A husband and a father, a brother and a son/
Kevin, I'm so proud of the man that you've become/
Pam, Jeff, Billy, Cliff, Paine, David, Terry, Chris, Ricky/
The names stick with me, the names stick with me/
Jason Lee, Ben Heaton, Josh Cleveland, Eric Sartain,
Trent Gibson saw the best and the worst I've ever given/
Sintax, I'd bend back the sky and shift the balance/
I thank you for your strong mind, your friendship and your talent/
Your example to all that witness ‘cause there's no “I' in crew/
You inspire me brother ‘cause I can see Christ in you/
Dust, where to start? The art's answer to my question/
Blessed from lessons together that's always led to progression/
This profession needs your genius to show cats what it's about/
You keep making the music and I'll keep running my mouth/
Playdough, Harry Krum, enough heart for every alias/
Thanks for helping me carry the torch as we take these kids/
Listener, Illtripp, Fred B, Recon/
Rabbi, Manuel, Sev Statik and Sivion/
It's on until we change the face and finish what we started/
I'm thankful that you're all a part of this/
Yeah it's on until we change expression, finish what we started/
Deepspace5, it's never stopping/
Mary, I don't have the words to get across my feelings/
I breathe a purer form of oxygen when I'm staring at your face/
I can rise above my limits and break through this vaulted ceiling/
I'm a better man today because you occupy my space/
I hit the road, you hold it down and shun the glory/
I'll be the mouthpiece for your heart and I'll tell the world our story/
Thanks for bearing our children. Thanks for sharing your life/
Thanks for saying, “Yes,' May. Thanks for being my wife/
To my daughters and all unborn and future seeds/
I look at the world through your eyes and you always help me see/
Inspiration in your innocence and the future in your face/
I write these songs so I can make your world a better place/

And that's all to say that all that I am is a collection of souls/
That God has used to touch me. Changed a reflection/
Made a man from a simple stick-figure/
And if I've ever met you, then you helped Him paint the picture…
(Repeat 3X)
- "Lumpsum" Mars ill

How did hiphop get hijacked by men (and women) who use this art form to talk about sex(outside of marriage), drugs, thug life? How did an artform that was started to spread social messages get so off track?

Of course, we can state that about other music genres. But seeing as the majority of my favourite music is hiphop, I'm sticking with it. Plus, I don't think it's as apparent in other genres than in hiphop...all the mainstream artists are "off the street"...so to speak.

The above lyrics are from Mars ill's album "Backbreakanomics" which I'll be honest, I did not like the first time it came out in the early 2000's. It has grown on me (like fungus, but so much better). I have really come to appreciate Manchild's lyrics, the imagery he uses and the content. Lumpsum is a favourite of mine on this album (though there are many favourites). It is a favourite because he is redeeming hiphop through Christ.

He is redeeming the culture of hiphop through Christ. I love it. I love how as a Christian, we are not called to take ourselves away from culture, but instead we are called to redeem it because that is what Christ is doing:

"For^(A) in him all the^(B) fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20and^(C) through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven,^(D) making peace^(E) by the blood of his cross." - Colossians 1:19,20 (ESV)

Christ is relevant to us, to all cultures not because we made Him to be, but because He already was, is and will always be. I am thankful for people, and groups like Mars ill, Deepspace 5 etc. who produce good music (lyrically and melodically) for the sake of the lost, Christians and most importantly for the glory and exaltation of Christ, who through us, is redeeming the artform called hiphop.

And taking a page out of Manchild's lyrics, I'm thanking all of you my friends, who have influenced me musically, and spiritually. Thank you for being an impact (no matter how large or small) in my life. For the encouragement, challenges, questions...everything. For letting God use you to wreck me, blow me up, humble me. For your prayers, and your words, for time spent together, for the laughter and tears. For helping me to keep going, when I wanted to walk away from the faith.

I'm thankful for all of you. Everyone. And words could not express my gratitude.

I'm thankful to Jesus, and for Jesus. For bringing all these incredible people in my life, that despite how jacked up, messed up, flawed we are Christ uses us and changes us as He uses us. I'm thankful for the Grace and Mercy he has shown me, for His leadership, His example, His sacrifice...The Gospel. I'm thankful that He is teaching me how to love and serve, as He loves and serves the Church.

I'm thankful for Him. And words could not express, and will never be able to express it.

Yeah, we have many things to be thankful for...

Hansen

Chaotic

2008-08-21T22:04:00.006-04:00

I don't want to understand this horror
There's a weight in your eyes
I can't admit
Everybody ends up here in bottles
But the name tag's the last thing you wanted

As the world explodes
We fall out of it
And we can't let go
Because this will not go away
There's a house built out in space

I can't see that thief
That lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at
The side of you bed
I don't know what's happening
And I can't pretend
But I can be your, be your

Someone help us understand
Who ordered this disgusting
Arrangement, time and the end
I don't want to hear who walked
On water, because the hallways are empty
And the clocks tick

As the world implodes
We fall into it
And we can't go home
Because this will not go away
There's a house built out in space

I can't see that thief
That lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at
The side of you bed
I don't know what's happening
And I can't pretend

It's a long, long get away
It's a long, long get away
Make it home again
Make it home again
It's a long, long get away
It's a long, long get away

Thief - Our Lady Peace

I recently found my only Our Lady Peace cd "Happiness...is not a fish that you can catch" as I started listening to it, I changed it to this song. I remember that out of all the OLP songs that I have heard, this is by far my favourite song. As I listened to the song, I remembered why I love this song; there is so much anguish, uncertainty and powerlessness to these lyrics.
I have bolded the lyrics that really stood out to me. I don't know what Raine Maida(lead vocals for OLP) believes, but there is so much spiritualness in these lyrics (even though spirituality in and of itself is not a good thing).
I believe very strongly that we are created to worship, and because God is also Spirit, we were created as spiritual. And in the deepest parts of our soul, whether we are super-spiritual or staunch atheists, we remember that this world is not as is should be, that this world is incredibly broken.
We all have had, or will have these moments, that even with all our positive thinking, fatalism or cliched(though true) bible verses about trusting God, that will throw everything into disarray. Moments that will absolutely wreck us. Moments that will cause us to questions God's methods, moments that will cause us incredible anguish...because we are powerless to prevent it. Now it is definately true that we should trust God in these moments, it is also true that during these times the last thing we may want to do is trust God.
"I don't want to hear who walked on water"... Accepting Jesus, will not make the pain go away. Accepting Jesus may at times amplify the pain. Accepting Jesus will not make life happy. Accepting Jesus, may not always make life make sense. But, and this is a big But, accepting Jesus makes all the pain(no matter how chaotic it maybe) meaningful. And unlike other religions, there is room in Christianity to feel this pain, because Jesus has felt the this pain. Thank God for this Our Great High Priest that has felt all the pain in the world with far more depth than we will ever know.

Hansen

When no one else will be your friend I will do the job

2008-08-20T13:08:00.001-04:00

I love the listener....

Hansen

look into the distance...

2008-08-19T16:14:00.002-04:00

there have been a ton of potential blog posts going through my mind recently, its just a matter sorting through them, picking one and then thinking through it. so there will be a post sometime in the future.

Hansen

Death By Love trailer

2008-08-14T10:43:00.009-04:00

Intense

who cares about the fish?

2008-08-08T23:49:00.004-04:00

1Now the word of the LORD came to^(A) Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, 2"Arise, go to^(B) Nineveh, that^(C) great city, and call out against it,^(D) for their evil^[a] has come up before me." 3But Jonah^(E) rose to flee to^(F) Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. He went down to^(G) Joppa and found a ship going to^(H) Tarshish. So he paid the fare and went on board, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the LORD. - Jonah 1:1-3

10When God saw what they did,^(O) how they turned from their evil way, God relented of the disaster that he had said he would do to them, and he did not do it. 1But it displeased Jonah exceedingly,^[a] and^(A) he was angry. 2And he prayed to the LORD and said, "O LORD, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country?^(B) That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that you are a^(C) gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster. 3^(D) Therefore now, O LORD, please take my life from me,^(E) for it is better for me to die than to live." - Jonah 3:10-4:1-3

10And the LORD said, "You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. 11And should not I pity^(M) Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much^(N) cattle?" - Jonah 4:10-11

Jonah is one book of the Bible that I love. I love that it ends in a question and I love that we don't know what Jonah did afterwards.
I remember, as a young'un for Sunday school, whenever we did Jonah the story would always seem so....happy. As I read it now, it is anything but happy. I remember being taught that Jonah was afraid that is why he fled from God. Not because he was a rascist and felt that the pagan Ninevites did not deserve the mercy of God.

Re-reading Jonah has been convicting, I see so much of myself in him. In my arrogance, I fool myself into thinking that I somehow deserved His mercy and Grace and am sometimes loathe to share this gift with others. Much like Jonah, I will run from what God is calling me to do, not because I'm afraid, but maybe I'm running away because I don't want God to pour is mercies upon somebody else.
And yet, Jesus, in His mercy, does not let me continue to live like this. He will not let me have a hardened heart to those that need Him. He will not let me be a bigot, borderline rascist, whatever. He makes me repentant so that I can remember that once again, I had nothing to do with my salvation. My status, economic standing, intelligence, humour...anything of mine(which are His anyway) had nothing to do with my salvation. That only He and He alone, and nothing else, saved me...from myself nonetheless.
How often do I forget this. How often do I forget that the Gospel should permeate my life, it should be at the center of my theology, it is the reason that I can talk to Daddy God. It is the reason that I am free for God's service (which is the only freedom in the truest sense of the word.)
I'm so thankful, that God did not stop pursuing Jonah. That through this, God was teaching Jonah that His mercies are not just for the Jews, or any other specific ethnic group, that having status as a prophet means nothing because that gift and calling can easily be taken away. I'm thankful because God has not stop pursuing me. That the Gospel continues to(even though I forget) remind me that there is nothing that drew God to me, but there is something amazing that drew me to God.

Hansen

A look ahead...

2008-08-08T00:50:00.001-04:00

Sometime in the future you can expect an update. Probably a rant, or something of some sort about Jonah and how that book applies to us.

Hansen

Singing in the rain

2008-07-31T22:25:00.003-04:00

In East Asia, in the McD's there is a wonderful food called "Sweet Taro Pie" (frigging blows apple outta the water!). A couple of friends and I love it so much we decided to write a song about it. It is set to the tune of "In the Jungle."

Sweet Taro Pie

a kuai dianr, a kuai dian, etcv.1:in mcdonalds, my sweet mcdonalds, you can buy two for 6 kuai (2x)

Chorus: My sweet taro pie (2x)

v.2: crispy outside, and creamy inside, thats my taro pie (2x)

v.3: xue bi, chang zher(O.J.) and chocolate bucci can give a sugar high, but theres nothing that can compare to, my sweet taro pie

Yeah, I miss Sweet Taro Pie.....

Hansen

Show me who you are

2008-07-29T10:07:00.001-04:00

All that I know are questions
But I’ll never be the same
Heard so much about you
Now were famous face to face

Walking toward emmaus
What didn’t Jesus say
What I dare - ask of you
Won’t you talk to me that way

Show me who you are
Never look away
Now I’ve come so far
Show me who you are
Show me

Your hands and feet are busy
And your nature I know well
A lover of - your story
And there’s more of it to tell

Don’t think me unready
Always slow to understand
No naked truth - so heavy
I should hear it second hand

Open up my eyes
With who you are
Taken up inside
Of who you are

All the muscle and the bone
Underneath the skin its shape is on
Holds together all I should have known
Should have known

- "Show me who you are" Smalltown Poets

Oh to look upon the face of my Creator one day. What a day that will be.

Hansen

(not) the Miracle man

2008-07-26T14:41:00.005-04:00

There have been two preachers that I have been really thankful for these past few months. The first one is Mark Driscoll and the second one is Matt Chandler. I appreciate their teaching, and their testimonies.

I have said before that faith never came easy for me. and while that is true, it is also true that when it does come I am thankful that it is strong. That is only because of Jesus, who is the author of my faith and is perfecting it....even now.

My testimony (it is on my blog) is not the miracle testimony. Meaning that, I didn't stop having lust issues, I didn't stop having anger issues instantaneously. It has been a long, slow, frustrating at times and painful process that I am still going through. My desire to read the Word has also been slow to come as well. In times past, I would plead with God to remove those issues from my life, I would wonder why some of my friends had such an easier time overcoming their issues.
I thought that there was something wrong with me, that maybe I was not a Christian, that maybe my faith was weak.

I'm beginning to understand the process of progressive sanctification. I am thankful for it, I am thankful that even though I'm still a mess, that I'm still jacked-up, He loves me still. I am so thankful that He has not left me to deal with it on my own, even though by all accounts I am very ill-deserving of His Grace.

I no longer am wondering why I'm not the miracle testimony. I'm thankful that I'm not. I'm not satisfied that I'm still going through this process, but I'm satisfied that Jesus, His Grace, His Power, He....will bring me through. I am thankful because I can relate to those that are jacked-up like me, that are in the midst of struggling, that are in the midst of frustration...maybe at the point of giving up. I am thankful because I can tell them, in all truthfulness, as a person that has and is going through this process, to keep pressing on. And even though it is slow going and even though it can be really painful, and we may not be able to see Jesus and what He's doing...He's doing something. And that something is something good and wonderful.

Thank God for redemption and it's beauty. Thank God for restoration and it's beauty yet to come.

Hansen

Silence can be deadly

2008-07-22T15:39:00.003-04:00

"1NOW THE serpent was more subtle and crafty than any living creature of the field which the Lord God had made. And he [Satan] said to the woman, Can it really be that God has said, You shall not eat from every tree of the garden?^(A)

2And the woman said to the serpent, We may eat the fruit from the trees of the garden,

3Except the fruit from the tree which is in the middle of the garden. God has said, You shall not eat of it, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.

4But the serpent said to the woman, You shall not surely die,^(B)

5For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing the difference between good and evil and blessing and calamity.

6And when the woman saw that the tree was good (suitable, pleasant) for food and that it was delightful to look at, and a tree to be desired in order to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she gave some also to her husband, and he ate.

7Then the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves apronlike girdles.

8And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

9But the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, Where are you?

10He said, I heard the sound of You [walking] in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.

11And He said, Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?" - Genesis 3 (Amplified)

"His disobedience did not begin with his eating but with his silence. Disobeying God was a result of retreating from his wife. It was a silent man who eventually broke God's clear command." - Larry Crabb

I've just been thinking, it's a dangerous thing I know. Buuut, I can't stop it, I can't stop wrestling and pouring my astonishment, I can't help feeling absolutely shocked that our first parents (I'm talking about Adam and Eve) still ate the fruit. It is a story I have heard over and over, I know the outcome but still very deeply does my heart still scream for Adam to do something...anything to stop Eve from listening to the serpent. Alas, he was silent, nothing but silent. I have tried imagining myself in his position, I would like to say in confidence (not arrogance) that I would have told her to stop. But if I were serious, I most likely would have done what Adam did. Stand silently as the disjoint between God and man happened.

The reason I say this is because I am a descendent of Adam. I have and will keep silent when my Eve needs me to step up the most. I suffer, as I suspect all men suffer, from a condition that began with our first father. The condition of silence, that stems from God-knows-what (don't think that I am taking the Lord's name in vain, I'm saying it in all seriousness). After reading this again, I notice something that I never noticed before. God calls out Adam, and only Adam (v.9). We all know the story from there, God questions Adam, Adam shifts the blame to Eve, Eve shifts the blame to the Serpent. He wanted Adam to own up to his responsibility, instead like most men (which does make sense considering we are from him) he tries to protect himself.

It is a bit daunting though, isn't it? God calls us into a responsibility that is huuuuuuge! We are responsible for not only protecting our wives, but our children. Raising them up to love and serve Jesus. And in the end we'll have to own up to that.

Sin entered into the world through that one bite. Our disobedience, our silence was cemented far before that. And it has stuck with us since.

But Thank God! (I know I use the term a lot, but I am truly thankful) that He provided a better Adam...a much better Adam. One that is not silent. One that loves His Bride enough to take upon Himself her sins. One that loves His Bride enough to die. And even though His Bride does not love Him (or respect Him) back, He still pursues Her...to the ends of the earth.

It is because of the second Adam (Jesus) that we can (not now, but eventually) be restored to who we were meant to be, who we were designed to be; worshippers of a God who is mighty, merciful, loving, powerful, Holy. One who is Creative, a cultivator, a builder. One who is relational, Wild, and full of adventure.

Hansen

Another to the collection?

2008-07-21T08:15:00.002-04:00

http://www.esvstudybible.org/ministries/8sb29

Looking back, I can't really help but giggle. I think it's funny, that a few years ago I said I would never own more than one Bible. I am now working my way towards three. And all three will be different translations. an NIV study, which I enjoy using, an Amplified version, which I have really grown to love using, and in October the ESV study Bible. (Click on link above)

I'm not sure if it's my nerdiness (who gets excited over 200 full colour maps and 200 charts of events?) or if it is just me growing in love for God's Word, but seriously, just thinking about owning a copy of it makes me salivate. And that has never happened with any book before (the salivating I mean.)

I have really grown to enjoy using multiple translations to read the same text. There's just something about it, it's incredibly time consuming, but nonetheless it is highly enjoyable.

Needless to say, I'm really excited to get me a copy of the ESV study Bible (200 charts! 200 maps! 20,000 notes and 80,000 cross references!) in October. And really excited about breaking it in!

Hansen

2008-07-19T01:35:00.000-04:00

The Dark Knight was a-freaking-mazing! SEEEEEE IT!

click here

2008-07-18T07:42:00.002-04:00

I'm getting to the point where I'm beginning to laugh at myself, and other things again. Which I'm really thankful for, because serious-all-the-time, emo Hansen was really getting on my nerves. I wanted the laugh-long-and-loud-at-ridiculous-things-or-nothing Hansen. Hopefully I'll find a balance between them....the serious-sometimes-but-can-laugh-obnoxiously loud-and-long Hansen.

Anyway, Here are some more White Ninja Comics that I find very very amusing. (I giggled really hard)

Hansen

Kiwi Poop

2008-07-17T09:10:00.003-04:00

White Ninja Comics crack me up. This recent one made me giggle profusely:

This one thing

2008-07-14T11:26:00.003-04:00

PATTERN YOURSELVES after me [follow my example], as I imitate and follow Christ (the Messiah). - 1 Cor 11:1 [Amplified]

While reading 1 Cor 11 today, this really caught my eye. It scares me. Would I be confident enough to issue a command like that? Is my life, because of Jesus, changed enough to say something like that? If I am to be a church planter it means that people will follow my example and that freaks me out. The theology, and attitudes of a congregation tend to usually go the way the lead pastor is going. And i guess that is what causes me great fear for the near and far future. Going into this year at Trent, I have opportunities to lead. The last thing I want to do is lead the people down a path to destruction.

Which means for me, as a person that's pretty jacked-up, I really need Jesus to break me down, change me, and be my courage and confidence that He has made me righteous, and is taking me in a process of progressive sanctification. Even if I don't feel changed. It also means I really need to take a long hard honest look at the things in my life that are strongholds...idols if you will...and really trust that Jesus and His Grace is my power to change. For my sake, and yours, but most importantly for Jesus, His Glory and His mission.

I am afraid, but I hope and know that one day I can say with confidence what Paul wrote to the Corinthians. Not because of me but because of Jesus. Not for my glory but for Jesus. Not so people say I am good, but so they can see (as clearly as they can) Jesus working in, on and through me and say that He is very good.

Hansen

And so it goes

2008-07-13T17:30:00.004-04:00

Every now and then, Jesus reminds me why the Church has so much potential to do much good. I'm in a love-hate relationship with it, in all honesty. what I mean by that is that I more often than not, just want to take the church and kick it in the shins....really really hard. But I have great hope for it. And that is one reason why I love it. There are times that I see things in the Church that make me have a great hope for it and because of those moments (Thank God!) Jesus makes me repent of my criticisms, critiques, complaints, and frustrations that stem from a 22 year old arrogance and pride.

I think I'm one of those people that would fit in the category of a cynical, disillusioned, frustrated, evangelical that sees something wrong with some aspects of the Church (including theology). However, stereotypically these people tend to just critique and complain about why the church is impotent (keep in mind that I am very well aware that this is what I'm doing now, it makes me giggle.), but make no effort, or have any desire to change it. If I do nothing but complain, critique I am a part of the problem. I want to be used to change it...not for my sake, or yours, but for Jesus.

I am thankful for the created thing known as humour. There are times where I just take myself far too seriously (like right now...who would have thought:P) and iNeed to just make fun and laugh at myself...or at other funny things. If I don't I'd probably go insane. So on that note...I found this comic strip pretty hilarious:

Enjoy!

Hansen

A new hope

2008-07-09T10:04:00.003-04:00

Some of my favourite movies ever (other than superhero movies) are movies like Freedom Writers, Fearless, and Remember the Titans. I love those movies because they deal with redemption and reconciliation. I believe those movies resonate with people on such a deep level because at the soul level, at the very core, we remember what it was like before the fall. We know that we are broken, very broken, and no amount of education or good work can repair that. Reconciliation and redemption is what we long for and it can only come through the Gospel of Jesus.

I'm beginning to understand that the message of the Gospel goes far beyond just Creation, Fall, Redemption...I sometimes forget that included in the Gospel is restoration. Restoration of a broken people to their King, restoring the created to the Creator. However, knowing all this in my head. Knowing a vast amount of theology is useless if it doesn't resonate in my heart.

Reading 1st Corinthians 8 this morning there were two verses stuck out to me:

2If anyone imagines that he has come to know and understand much [of divine things, without love], he does not yet perceive and recognize and understand as strongly and clearly, nor has he become as intimately acquainted with anything as he ought or as is necessary.

3But if one loves God truly [^[a]with affectionate reverence, prompt obedience, and grateful recognition of His blessing], he is known by God [^[b]recognized as worthy of His intimacy and love, and he is owned by Him]. - 1 Corinthians 8:2,3 [Amplified translation]

I enjoy looking into the things about Jesus, the different theological perspectives, the different aspects of the Gospel, and what culture says about Jesus as it continues to change. However, all this knowledge if it is not done to further my love for Jesus, if it does not change me it is useless. It becomes nothing more than an idol, it does nothing more than make me an arrogant pharisaical dead gong.

The changing of my heart is slow and painful. At times it feels like it hasn't changed at all. I know that my heart is changing...I hope that the Spirit is changing my heart, that the knowledge I have stuffed in my head is rippling down to my heart. So that I can truly understand Jesus more deeply, and trust him more deeply.

I don't just want to live widely (have all this knowledge and not be changed by it) but I want to live deeply also (have all this knowledge, and be changed in heart which in turn will change my outward acts). This can only happen through the Spirit, and I need Him more than anything.

Hansen

PS: My friends are awesome. I couldn't have asked for any better ones. Thank God for bringing me great friends!

Talk music

2008-07-06T15:07:00.003-04:00

I've been really getting into Sintaxtheterrific. Especially the song "Make believe" on his "Curb Appeal" album. Faith has never come easy for me. At times my faith feels crippled from my thoughts and doubts, but whatever I think, no matter how much I doubt, Jesus knows how to communicate with me. He knows what I need to hear. He breaks me down (or beats me down, depending on how much I wrestle with him).

I'm thankful that He knows that faith doesn't come easy for me, and so he wrestles with me, fights with me, talks with me, and reveals to me all that I need to know to keep going. And all it takes is to look at the miracle of redemption, reconciliation, and restoration to know that He is real, and its not make believe.

Hansen

Make Believe

Chorus
You make me believe it’s not make believe
fill in all the gaps that I can’t conceive
break a skeptic down to his basic need
to put a finger in the wrist where salvation bleads
You make me believe it’s not make believe
I’m breath taken by your sacred mysteries
take me to the root of that ancient tree
where knowledge is the fruit that only faith can see

Verse 1
Make me believe this that you can match wits
with the mind who in six days mapped the atlas
and strapped the mattress of the mountains across the matchless
skeleton of dirt to work a backbone axis
tell me can you understand the plans of perfect genius
that span outer space but placed his lifeblood intravenous?
and sets the sun seamless in the west every evening
just to resurrect her hydrogen flesh to rest our dreaming?
and the best reason you can give for non believing
is the fact your mortal eyes haven’t seen him?
come on dog, that sort of lies got me grieving inside
and bleeding from the same heart that pumps to survive
the assumption of pride is we can understand our Maker
like paper trying to understand the tree from which we shave her
like vapor off the kettle can’t know a clouds behavior
or a sediment of stone pontificate on Himalaya
He’s the flavor of a delecacy delicately savored
Savior set Himself at a distance to tease our nature
not to overcome our will or frustrate our labor
but instead to set us free to chase His heart or flee His favor
so make me believe that we walked on all fours
and that a billion years of accidents could give us something more
I’m beggin you explore the facts plus faith between
exacting what is actual from what is make believe

Verse 2
Make me believe that rappers aren’t in danger
that kids will continue to capture human nature
to the four four time swagger of youthful anger
take a portrait of disaster and repaint her into hope, now
that’s what I call dope believing that individuals
can reshape context out of vision based on principal
most are too cynical forgotten the hope in prayer
believing that life is rotten and broken beyond repair
i’ve spoken this song in rare angel tones to fill the air
at an octave where only lonely souls can hear the way I care
God make us believe in modern miracles and healing
I want to lower my crippled faith through the ceiling, so you can touch me
I’m feeling pretty lucky so pull the finger on that shotgun
and resurrect my life even before it hits the bottom
tell me it’s not a problem to accelerate the process
so that water into wine isn’t nonsense; it’s logic
I’m only being honest cuz it’s hard to imagine
how a seed of make believe could shake a mountain
could it happen?
could people ever fathom the mystery of first Adam
made complete in the death and ascension of God-man

Bridge
You’ve been breaking me down from A to Z
making what’s mysterious so plain to see
Lord forgive me of my mind and its disbelief
Until my soul release

Verse 3
Make me believe that Your love is everlasting
that the bread of life sustains when we’re fasting
that casting the first stone is reserved for Christ alone
that the poor in spirit will inherit a king’s throne
I’m prone to cast judgment over things unknown
asking the shadow thrown how does the day’s sun shown?
disbelief collapsing these grey lungs blown
breathtaken by the way You lay the moon hung low
strum a lullaby of language hum the tune sung slow
crumb speak the truth to let the fool dumb know
that belief is the sum of science and reason folded
into faith to knit the fabric of our spool spun soul
gotta let it go like new son grow
to a man in a world where cruel runs show
Christ rule come so, let your jewel sun glow
to illuminate the darkest place deepspace hole

3 point 1 four 1 five 9 two 6 five 4

2008-07-03T12:21:00.005-04:00

Maaaan, the past few posts (with the exception of the summer food one) have been so emo. I'll try not to make so many emo posts because this blog is also supposed to have a balance of emo and lightheartedness. *sigh* Hooray for trying to find a balance!

Hansen

PS: pay no attention to the title it doesn't relate to this post. That would be the first 10 numbers of pi

salivating goodness

2008-06-29T00:11:00.004-04:00

I looked up some summer recipes today. Man oh man, did they ever look good. I looked up some summer drinks too...they also looked good but they all have alcohol in it. I'm sure it would taste fantastic without it.

I love to look up new recipes that I could try, I love to cook. for myself, and for others(especially others)

That is all

Hansen

some observations

2008-06-28T11:36:00.004-04:00

-I look at the world and the broken state it's in. And I can't help but to really be heartbroken for it.

-I look at the church and the broken state it's in. And I can't help but to be frustrated at it. (though I still love it)

-I look at myself and the broken, messed up state I'm in. And I can't help but to think that I am a big part of both the world and churches state, and then I can't help but to be convicted by Jesus.

-Thank God for Grace. For Jesus, who takes us to the heart of our issues and like a VERY skilled surgeon removes the diseased, black, death-causing parts of who we are. Thank God that even a messed up, broken, self-righteous, cynical, arrogant (the list of sins is long...) person like me can be redeemed and made truly righteous by the blood of Jesus.

Hansen

look and see

2008-06-25T15:31:00.003-04:00

it's finally hit me how amazing it is, that Jesus would choose a bum like me to speak about a King like Him. What's even more amazing is that I very often have trouble communicating, and so to have Him choose me surprises me...just a teeny bit. I believe He is calling me in the future (near or far, I'm still not sure) to be a church planter, even though it doesn't necessarily suit my personality. And I don't know why He would, other than the fact He has put in me a love of starting something new and reaching people. I will do it because He has called me to.

With that being said, because I believe that this is my call, I have recently been compelled to read books about Jesus (Vintage Jesus, The Case for the Real Jesus being the two so far). I don't want to refute claims made by others without first knowing what they are talking about. I also don't want to hide in a Christian protective bubble, away from "modern" arguments and "new" facts. I want to know just where people get the idea that Christianity is an amalgamation of pagan religions, Jesus' body was moved, etc etc. I want to understand why these books (The God Delusion, god is not great: how religion poisons everything etc.) and people (Richard Dawkins, John Dominic Crossan etc.) are causing many professed born-again Christians to seriously doubt, or walk away altogether from Christianity.

At it's heart, I think the answer is simple. But leading to that simple answer are complex reasons. and if those issues are not touched, it can be very unsatisfying. To tell a person "You just gotta have faith"...while true, seems like a cowards answer. An answer designed to avoid thinking, wrestling, and helping that person through each issue. If I am called to be a pastor, I cannot do that. and I know I won't be able to help everyone on an individual basis because it would be the death of me. But in front of the pulpit, I can at least help some. Which is why I want to know the arguments spoken about today, the hot-button issues...what popular culture is saying about it, and what Godly scholars are saying about it. Not only so that I know Jesus is the only choice to put my faith in, but so that others can do the same.

Hansen

step into the call

2008-06-19T14:25:00.007-04:00

During EAP many life lessons, flaws and strengths were revealed to me by others and observation but all of it was because of the Holy Spirit. So, before I go into more detail all glory to Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, refiner of my character.

Many thanks to Brad Morrice (it was a joy serving with you!) and Derek Hill, who said affirming words that have really stuck with me even now. And I am ever grateful that both of them see in me, a leader. With Brad, it hit me at a heart-level that being a good leader(if you are a man) is very much inextricably tied with being a good man. I could not have asked for a better example of a good man and good leader and though according to him he is "still rough around the edges," I am thankful that Jesus is continuing to refine him. With Derek, what he said to me during dbrief, made me realize more that Jesus is calling me to be a leader. He said that when I speak "people listen." I think that was the thing that made me question that call the most, I was never sure if people did listen. I am thankful for both of them, and others, their words, have made me realize that the call to be a leader is a call that is for me, even if I am hesitant to grasp it (loosely of course, because it can easily be taken away).

I also realized just how sacred this calling is. It is a humbling position to be in, that Jesus would choose me to lead others into an adventure much bigger than me, much bigger than any of us could ever imagine. It is epic. It was humbling that Jesus would call me to be part of a leadership team that would lead a team on a pioneering campus. It is humbling to think that Jesus is calling me to lead something new on my campus(Trent), and that people trust me to follow me. It is wonderfully humbling and incredibly sacred.

I know as a servant leader, I will both have to serve and lead. And in all honesty, I am more comfortable serving others, than leading others. But I will lead, because Jesus is calling me to serve and lead people.

And even now, it is Jesus through me, not my strength that leads. I know my heart for people, my passion is not from me but from Jesus. My desire is that people follow me, because I follow Jesus and it shows clearly and passionately. I do not want people to follow me because of my natural charisma, I want people to follow me because Jesus is working clearly through me. I want people to know who and what my heart and passions are for (Jesus and His GC), not what I am against.

Jesus showed me that I am not as patient as I thought I was, that there are times when I am very arrogant and very prideful. Those things I needed to repent of much of the project. I know that those parts of me are also the places that can easily get me into trouble. I am still very much rough around the edges, but thank God that Jesus is patient, and the Great Surgeon and Healer. It is only Jesus that can smooth those edges. It is not just with His help (because, at least to me, it implies that I am still holding on) but it is ONLY because of Him can those edges be made smooth.

Hansen

2008-06-10T18:25:00.001-04:00

Iron man is freaking amazing!

'nuff said....

oh and I'm back in Vancity at the moment processing the amazing journey that is EA!

Hansen

1 day....

2008-04-24T08:06:00.005-04:00

I leave in one day. Hokey Jumpins! hahaha, I think it's finally beginning to hit me.....like a pillow case of bricks.....I'm leaving for East Asia, as an intern.

Visited Kingston...it was definately a great way to have a send-off. Spectacular two days with some ridiculously amazing people. It's definately been a good few days. =D

This will probably be my last entry before I leave...unless you know I decide that I want to blog tomorrow, I will have time...I'm not flying out till 1pm....which means I don't have to wake up ridiculously early, although i think I probably will considering that I'm still perpetually stuck in 9am school exam mode (bleh! woke up at 6:45..........again........)

Life has definately been really really good. I can't wait to be in EA (in all honesty, I can't wait for the food.....and cheap ice cream!), I can't wait to get back.

the past few days I've had the same dream. It's a dream where I have superman-like powers(yes I am a big geek) and I'm hanging out with a bunch of other superheroes. suddenly this lady shows up and starts predicting the end of the world. However, when all the heroes(including myself) try and stop her, we discover that we cannot even touch her. All we do is phase right through. This is also about the time two of the superheroes discover a poem written on the wall....apparently by the same person. Unfortunately this is the time where I wake up.

I've been realizing just how emotional I get when Jesus shows up like a hurricane. Whether through unexpected massive amounts of support, through song, or in story or anything else for that matter....man I start tearing up, or crying like i just won a beauty pageant (or Canadian Idol, whatever take your pick). It's refreshing, and awesome.

So in the spirit of travels. I bid you adieu! (did anyone else get the Sound of Music song "So long, Farewell" pop into their heads when I typed that?)

See you in 6 weeks!
Hansen

in a journey through dreamland....

2008-04-17T07:53:00.002-04:00

Dreams are so wierd sometimes. and I had one a couple of days ago.
The main characters as far as I remember are: Me, Jess, and Alison.

So basically, we were hanging out in a wide open busy area (kinda looked like mall of some sort), with fake looking palm trees, and tiled floor and what not. Then this complete random stranger came up to me, because she heard my name and said something along the lines of "Oh my gosh! you have such a unique name! can I have your autograph so I can frame it because I like collecting unique names?" At that point I was completely wierded out by the request. I mean who the heck frames names?(haha that rhymed =P) Anyway, Jess and Ally were there laughing their faces off at my awkward predicament.

instant change into a field where the dream ends with Ally offering me.....vitamin pills. yes folks, vitamin pills.

Hansen

[insert imaginative title here]

2008-04-16T13:23:00.002-04:00

exams, playoffs, spring, summer, project. sweeeeeet!

This post is crippled from lack of imagination, and effort.

mission: FAILED

Hansen

a tale of the disenchanted....pt.1

2008-04-10T08:44:00.004-04:00

In land not so different than yours walked a young lad. He was an energetic boy, full of life and wonder. Never one to pass up an opportunity, he would cause others to smile with his unbridled enthusiasm. Walking in the fields one day, he passed by a dark, eerie looking piece of woodland.

"Should I go in and explore?" thought the boy to himself, "Maybe there will be new people to meet. Fun things to do, and new places to explore." Convincing himself that everything would be safe, the boy hesitantly began to walk towards the gaping entrance. As the boy continued to peer into the wooded area, he began to notice that it was difficult to peer far into it because it seemed that no sunlight could pierce through the foliage.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all" he thought to himself. "Maybe I should go back and pick dandelions for my mother." Even though the boy was afraid, he pushed all second thoughts out of his head. He took a deep breath and walked into the forest, anticipating the adventure that would await him.

As he began to explore every nook and cranny this new world had to offer him, he stumbled upon two tablets. Words were etched onto these tablets. As he read the words, he began to realize this was the towns history. He was horrified when he began to realize that the town, and the townsfolk were not who they seemed to be. In the history he learned that his town began as an enslavement camp, a testing ground for many different activities and chemicals. He learned that the townsfolk took great pleasure in stealing people away from nearby villages and farmlands. Enticing them with lies of success and happiness, and an altogether better life.

As the bitter tears rolled down his face, and anger began welling deep inside of him. He began to understand that he himself was put into this lie. He began to weep bitterly as a great sadness and anger began to wash over him. Unable to read anymore, he sat on a nearby log and began to think about how he could free those trapped inside the village. Lost deep in thought, he did not hear a figure walking behind him.

"I see you have read about this villages history." whispered the figure. Hearing the voice, the boy jumped in surprise. "W-what do I do now? How can I live normally when I know, I am part of this lie? when I am just as evil as they are?" cried the boy in despair. "Everything I thought was good was not real." As the feeling and realization of hopelessness began to sink in, the boy began to weep even more. There were so many people within the village he loved and they did not know they were slowly destroying their lives.

"What must I do to save them?" the boy asked the figure. He was determined to save his loved ones, even if it cost him his life. The figure slowly began walking towards him. As he stood in the sunlight, the boy gasped in horror. What the boy saw was a bloodied, dirty man. His face was bruised, and his nose was at an odd angle due to it being broken numerous times. His wrists had many scars from what used to be knife cuts. His hair was matted from hardened blood.

"You cannot do anything to save them." the man said. "But let me save you, so you can understand what you can do." Despite his outward appearance, he spoke with the strength and authority of a king. The boy, still fearful, began to see who this man once was.

He began recalling a story once told by the village elders of a man that oversaw this village and his people. He was a good man, kind, merciful, and just but also a fierce warrior ready to defend his people with his life. Then one day, the villagers desired to run the village for themselves. They did not want help even from a good king. So in an act of rebellion, the villagers beat the king and threw him out of the village. The boy began to realize that the man in the story was this very same man.

"How can you save me? When you look like you can't save yourself?" asked the boy incredulously. The man, looked at him with eyes sparkling with a love and life untold. He chuckled to himself, and asked him with a serious voice "Are you certain you want this knowledge?"

"More than anything" replied the boy, with a growing dread in the pit of his stomach, fearing what would be said next.

"Salvation must be paid in blood. Forgiveness must be attained through blood and tears. Freedom through sacrifice." The king replied grimly, but with purpose. "It is only through my blood, you will see the village truly for what it is." The boy was shocked, even disgusted at the notion but believed what was spoken to be true.

"You will see that only through me can a new hope can be found. You need to take this knife, to both my wrists and spill my blood upon the rock."

.....end of pt.1 (translation I'm tired of typing)...pt.2 to come whenever I feel like finishing it.

Wizard Needs Food, Badly.

2008-04-08T13:31:00.004-04:00

From the creators of the e-surance commercials I present to you the last unofficial "official" Five Iron Frenzy video....ever. And i must say it is a good video.

From gr.9 - gr.12, FIF was the substantial part of my music library, and oddly I think they played a large part in shaping my humour into what it is today (a fully non-sensical, self-deprecating, sometimes crude and crass bit of funny). They helped, in a way, to steady the ship that was faith and also got me into more music. Wierd, that this band, 4 years after they break up would still have a rather large influence.

anyway, here is Five Iron Frenzy's "Wizard Needs Food, Badly:"

Hansen

Tin roof.....

2008-04-07T07:57:00.003-04:00

Well, I figure it's about time for another update.

What has been going on in the life of Hansen recently? Where to start...For one, I'm about a third of the way done support raising (Jesus is the awesomest!) at 2110. So I have about 4990 left to raise...or something like that. Woooty woot woot woot!

Second, I've begun to realize that I may need a few days, or a week of (re)focus. I have felt for the past week....even month that I have been mostly or completely de-railed. What does a week of refocusing entail? Well, I really haven't figured that all out yet. But when I do I'll be sure to post it on here. I'm guessing it means a few days without any electronic stuff, or at least very little exposure.

After four years of not listening to them, I have recently begun listening to Five Iron Frenzy again. at one point, they were my favourite band. I loved them for their sheer headbangability, and rocktasticalness.....that and no other band wrote songs that could cause me to cry that hard.
....
...
...
Apparently "Every New Day" and "On Distant Shores" still rock my heart enough to cause me to cry, and cry hard.

I've been planning a Queens trip, I'm still not sure how this'll all work out. I haven't gotten all the wrinkles ironed out and I'm not even convinced fully if I should go. I guess I'll have to figure it out soon, and then leave or cancel the event on Facebook. Exams get in the way of everything. *sigh*

Iron Chef is pretty much the epicest show ever created. That music is freaking fantastic! If the Iron Chef soundtrack is ever made, I would so buy that album.

Well, this post was pointless.

Hansen

Daughters of Eve Appreciation

2008-03-31T20:03:00.007-04:00

I was listening to Mr. J Medeiros (the guy does the song "Constance) recently. I've just been on a solid messaged hiphop kick. Anyway, he has this one amazing song called "Her Wings." It has become one of my all-favourite songs...it has also inspired me to write an entry on how much I appreciate the friendships I have with the Daughters of Eve...the ones I have the honour of getting to know. I will post the lyrics to "Her Wings" first, then hi-light(trans: bold) the parts of the lyrics that struck me....and then attempt to...not explain, but...encourage you through this..I guess, is the best way to put it.

Her Wings - Mr. J Medeiros
She walk like she got headphones, rockin Aretha
Lady of light, type you like to speak to
Hard to read, sort of speaks like a drink of water
Far from a leaf though it’s hard being the king’s daughter
Not really into order but her expectations call for a man to be strong
Plus patience, see you can admire the flower
But understand, you dealing with a woman in a higher power
And my father in Heaven musta gave her the Earth
Cuz the money don’t impress me, yo she know what she worth
And she knows me birth, she can feel it
Went through too much hurt to conceal it
It’s not what she say, it’s the way she reveals it
And now the world wanna steal it
That spirit in which her body’s a home to
Sorry world, she’s outgrown you

[chorus]
Outta the gates to the wild blue
Sky’s too great, she gotta escape, fly through
With a smile too, kinda remind you
You gotta look ahead and not behind you
She said starin at the sun won’t blind you
It’s just a lie used by the world to confine you
But I know a place they won’t find you
And if you believe, you can fly like I do

Absolutely beautiful, the type that make you feel unsuitable
She’s uncommon, ain’t nothing about her usual
If you’da known her before the transition
You’d be amazed by the change man, listen
She used to go from this one to that one
To feel complete, she looked for men to make it happen
Until she started askin, if all things in this world should pass
Show me somethin that’s everlastin
That’s when she met true love, not the world but the action
Takin her to way back when she was Eve in the garden of Eden
Before the apple was eaten, before she used to be the Queen of Clubs
Now it seems she’s a wild card, born again, child of God
With a style a little odd for any normal man to marry
But she fits in just fine with the revolutionaries

[chorus]

To the Daughters of Eve, Ladies of Light, Sisters in Christ,
Wow...this is a lot harder than I thought. Usually I type, or talk with my heart on my sleeve. This time it's a little different. I want to tread carefully, and choose my words thoughtfully. The lyrics above not only have a message to you ladies, but also has a exhortation to Godly relationship/marriage in it...which makes me tread all the more carefully.

One thing that I really do appreciate, is the fact (for those that i have talked to about the "list" for dateable man) that you do not settle for anything "standard." So to speak. It's encouraging, and in a way, it challenges me to change, grow, stretch beyond "standard" so that my future wife (whoever she may be) will also not settle for someone just normal. But will instead be with someone who is a good Jesus-loving, Bible believing, lovingly leading man.

You are worth far more than what most guys will see you as. One of my biggest regrets has been being part of that group...before and even after becoming a Christian. Looking for a good time, instead of a good legacy. Thinking selfishly, instead of selflessly. Proverbs 12:4 says "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband" (21st Century New King James). Thank you for being shining examples of a good legacy, a crown....of a Lady of Light.

Thank you for not making it easy. Seriously. It forces those of us that are afraid of rejection (like yours truly) to really step up and take that risk of asking to intentionally getting to know you more.

Thank you for not lowering your standards, but also not having ridiculously high standards. Daughters of Eve, thank you for all you have done, for all your insights, and for all the encouragement. Thank you for expecting, and encouraging, and at times even challenging us to be more than passive, non-risk taking sons of Adam, but courageous, active, Redeemed Sons of Adam...the Good Men of God.

Hansen

one of the funniest ways some one has found my blog

2008-03-30T20:46:00.004-04:00

from a keyword search:

"dating a 'wierd' guy goofy socially awkward"

I think that sums up me and my blog. In a nutshell.....der, except for you know...the dating part. Everything else is gold!

Hansen

the Sanity list

2008-03-29T13:09:00.004-04:00

Seeing as it is assignment deadline blitz week/ 7days of exam eve...I thought I would post a list/maybe pictures of what keeps me sane during this time (ie: I'm breaking away from doing work at this point and time)

1. This blog: sometimes I get too much jumbled thoughts and emotions, and i just need a point of release. And this seems to be it.

2. White Ninja Comics: I think sometimes I just need a touch of insanity and ridiculousness to remind myself that life isn't all that serious....all the time. And it is (at least for me) an outlet tool to help me laugh, loud and long. For example...I thought this was a pretty funny (albeit awkward strip)

3. Comics.com: just the same thing as White Ninja Comics. It's an outlet for laughter. Personal favs from this site include: Get Fuzzy, Cow and Boy, Pearls before Swine, Secret Asian Man, Watch Your Head.

4. Chucknorrisfacts.com: ....uh, 'nuff said. (White Ninja, Comics, and CNF can all be found in the links section entitled: "It's nerds of Joy!"

5. Podcasts: lots and lots of Podcasts from Mars Hill, the Resurgence, Acts29, Chinesepod (ha!) and the Village Church.

6. Watching some UFC: I admit I'm a fan of MMA. And I enjoy watching some here and there. especially the matches of George St. Pierre.

Hansen

Get everybody in the club together

2008-03-28T10:17:00.003-04:00

Over the past few days I have had discussions with some people about Mixed Martial Arts competition....and the point of it. Which naturally led to the discussion on whether you can be a Christian and still participate in the UFC (ultimate fighting championship) or any other mixed-martial art venue. I believe you can, and it's not so much it changes the way you fight, but it changes the way you act during the pre and post fight interviews.

One of my favourite MMA fighters is George St.Pierre. Not only because he's a Canadian, and not only because he's calm and fights well (very technically sound) in the ring. But also because of his attitude towards other fighters. I love the way he doesn't trash talk, and the way he gives an opponent respect. It's just a good attitude to have, and good sportsmanship. Which is wierd, because in most sports...trash talk is a good way to play mind games.

That being said, apparently I tried to segway(how do you even spell it?) that into a post about anger, but that introduction doesn't work too well. Sooo, lets just say that, the above paragraphs are a different topic all together mmmkay? Sweeeet, now that that's settled. Lets move onto anger....

I was an angry kid. It wasn't just like it was tantrum anger, but it was hair-trigger, lets duke it out, hurtful sarcasm anger. I didn't really get into fights mostly because the people would run away. but basically I had two emotions: calm and angry, and I could go from one to the other in a blink of an eye. I, naturally gravitated towards shows, movies and sports that were action packed (Power rangers, boxing, Batman etc) and also just was always itching for a fight.

When I became a Christian on September 14 2000, I still had that anger within me. I think though the one of the conflicts I struggled with most in Christianity was that I was told that "Christians shouldn't get angry, because anger is a bad emotion." (at least it was along those lines....) When I heard that I thought to myself "Seriously? we can't get angry, especially when there is so much crap going on in the world? When daughters and sons are being mistreated by parents? What kind of God am I serving?" I recently reposted the Constance video on my blog. And as well as being heartbroken, I got absolutely furious. I'm not sure how you can't get angry after watching the video.

That's a point of being a Christian isn't it? To love what Jesus loves, to hate what Jesus hates. If the Jesus I served didn't get angry at things like child abuse/sex slave markets, I think I would question whether or not He was worth serving...worth loving.

Getting angry is walking a fine line. It can very very easily lead us into sin. Anger is a blinding emotion, I agree with that. It is not evil.

That being said, I know that in my anger, I have, I do and I will sin against my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, my friends, and family. That is something that needs to be repented of when it comes. Jesus, His death, burial and resurrection, is the only way to temper this volatile emotion with God's righteousness. So instead of a hair-trigger, duke it out sinful emotion, it becomes a Redeemed, Righteous, Godly emotion that drives me to fight for what is right and good, instead of just fighting without rhyme or reason, or bad rhyme and reason.

Hansen

Constance (again)

2008-03-27T00:12:00.003-04:00

I posted this video awhile back (like near the beginning of the school year) but I want to post it again. Spread the word. It's a powerful video, it's a great song. I almost cried, and I still do sometimes. Fellow bloggers, post it on your site. Our world is very much crying out for a Saviour. We are a broken and depraved bunch.

Lovely song, lovely smell

2008-03-26T09:01:00.008-04:00

Some of the best things to wake up to in the morning:

1. The Rocky Theme song - it never fails to pump you up, and it gets annoying N*sync songs out of the head.

2. The smell of hazelnut coffee - MMMMMMMMM. Coffee + Hazelnut = salivating gooodness

3. "I'm Yours" - I have three versions of this song (overkill? oh hecka yes!). I have the new version and live version by Jason Mraz and a cover by Sindre Dybvikstrand (I think he was like the Netherland idol or something)

4. Tank!- the theme song for one of the best anime's....ever. Cowboy Bebop, oh I heart Cowboy Bebop. It's so good.

5. Eye of the Tiger - another Rocky classic, adrenaline pumping amazatude!

Somethings I am thankful for:
1. Great friends - I love my friends, they make me laugh. And they think I'm funny. Which I guess says something about their humour...or mine. haha! They also happen to give pretty gosh darn good advice yo. And they aren't afraid to rebuke me. You men and women know who you are...at least I hope you do.

2. My hair - I bet you guys think I'm joking, but I'm serious. I have hot anime hair. For serious. It is absolutely gravity defying on occasion, and it doesn't get messy on windy days. Yeah, it's amazing. I'll miss it when I'm bald (I have a very strong suspicion I have a receding hairline, but I could just be imagining it.)

3. Amazing pastors that do amazing podcasts - Mark Driscoll, Matt Chandler, John Piper, CJ Mahaney and the list goes on. Love them.

Things that are funny and possibly always will be:

1. No-laughing Japanese gameshows - oh my gosh, epic, classic...I would fail on that show, my butt would be red, sore and bruised. but so funny.

2. Crotch-kicked by a Ninja Turtle - oh drunk college boys. 'nuff said.

3. Some stand-up comedians - Dat Phan, Henry Cho, Danny Bhoy, Akhmed the Dead Terrorist, Russell Peters, some Chris Rock...not, I repeat, NOT Dane cook.

4. News bloopers - classic.

Amazing Theme songs
1. The original TMNT theme song.
2. The Transformers theme from the 1986 movie - glitter rock (or hair metal) at it's best!
3. Saved by the bell theme.
4. Fresh Prince of Bel-air.
5. The old-school campy Batman theme - you know "nahnahnahnahnahnah Batman!"
6. The Smallville theme - "Save me" by Remy Zero is epic and fitting for a show about Superman.

I am Dragonball Z

2008-03-25T07:51:00.006-04:00

I love how when sometimes I don't shampoo my hair...it defies gravity and sticks up wildly. Keep in mind I don't shampoo my hair every day (it's bad for it) though i probably should have today because yesterday I didn't after a long work out.....sick! Disclaimer: there is actually no product in my hair, it's all natural...which is kinda really gross. but at the same time kind of really cool...hahahaha I'm an "icky boy." so to speak.

Hansen

in isolation. solitude. (the Easter version)

2008-03-24T19:16:00.004-04:00

I enjoy opinion pieces. I enjoy writing opinion pieces for cultural studies. Looking at our culture as it is now, I decided to do a piece on loneliness. After doing a bit of relaxing research I came to the conclusion that our generation may be the loneliest generation in recorded history. You can agree or disagree with me thats fine, it was after all an opinion piece. The oddest thing about our generation is that we are basically in, or at the tail end, or in the middle of the technological revolution. We have so many different ways of communicating (the phone, messenger, email, facebook, myspace, blogging etc.) and yet at the same time people can feel isolated.
It seems that despite (or maybe inspite of) all these different ways to communicate we have lost, or maybe never had, the ability to be truly open with people. And yet, even with our isolation we still desire to community. One of my more recent endeavors has been to go to coffee shops. I love coffee shops, but one thing I have noticed that at any given time the majority of people within those confines are alone, reading a news paper, listening to music or surfing the internet. It is an interesting phenomena, to say the least. I do realize that I myself went in there alone...to observe people being alone. kinda hilarious.
That being said, we desire to be together, without really being together. We desire closeness, without any of the vulnerability that comes with it. So, people drink and party to desire a sense of community, but how many of the drinking buddies will listen to your problems?
Thank God for Jesus! His horrific death on the cross and subsequent glorious resurrection, I believe, allows us to be open in a way this world cannot experience apart from Him. I can openly (with discretion) share my struggles, and my regrets. Apart from Jesus, those things would paralyze me. Hurts, sorrows, laughter, joy...now all have great meaning. In a chaotic, sinful, fallen world they have no meaning. In the world of Redemption, Grace, and Hope, they all point to Jesus, who is our high priest and who understands what we have been through.
Seasons of isolation, togetherness. All are meaningful.
Without Jesus, everything is meaningless. With Jesus everything is meaningful. And that means everything to me.
Happy Easter!

Hansen

Grawr

2008-03-24T12:09:00.002-04:00

As I'm perusing (is that even spelt right?) my friends blogs, I've noticed a numerous amount of Easter posts. Which by the way are super cool. So I think I want to hippity-hop onto the the Easter train. And I'm doing it on a Easter Monday too, instead of...uh Easter-eve, anyway, I'm using the school computers because i've been too lazy to get wireless onto my laptop ever since I got a new wireless card. Soooooo, I may go a hippity-hopping onto the Easter Train later. But this will suffice for now.

Yes it will.

Anyway, I absolutely looove this wedding video. And I really enjoy Jason Mraz's music. The song + video = me melting. hahaha, this is a wedding video I would want to have (with the future wife's approval of course)

Hansen